Kyurem the Critic
by Mr. Grool
Summary: After hearing about Keldeo the Critic, Kyurem decides that he won't let the Sword of Justice hog all the glory! With his trusty team of Cryogonal, Kyurem shows these fanfictions and creepypastas for what they really are! Spinoff of Keldeo the Critic
1. Acid

Eh? What do you think you're doing here?! How did you get past the Cryogonal? Well, if you're looking for a battle, you're not going to get one. I'm currently working on something else.

…

You say you're here for the reviews? Well why didn't you say so? Anyway, before I begin, let me introduce myself.

I'm Kyurem the critic! When I'm not fighting the Swords of Justice, I usually spend my free time reading different Pokémon fanfictions and creepypastas. After a while, though, I noticed that Keldeo, the runt of the Swords of Justice, decided to review other fanfictions! The nerve of that kid! After hearing about this, I decided that I wasn't going to let that runt hog all the glory. Though he does have my respect, I'm still peeved at the fact that he stole the glory after our battle…

But you came for the reviews, didn't you? Well, you're about to get them. Still, don't expect me to be nice about it. Unlike the Swords of Justice, I'm not put under a code of honor, so I can be as brutal as I want.

(Kyurem smiles sickly as the entrance becomes iced over, trapping all inside)

So why don't you sit back, relax, and enjoy the commentary of…

**Kyurem the Critic – Acid**

**(Pokémon Creepypasta)**

Now, to avoid being a complete rip off of Keldeo the Critic, I've decided to not only read fanfictions, but also read Pokémon Creepypastas. Now, if some of you don't know what a creepypasta is, GO LOOK IT UP!

…Fine. A creepypasta is a story, usually sent via email that is meant to disturb and scare. Some are good, and some are completely awful. An example of a good creepypasta would be either "Lost Silver" or "Pokémon Creepy Black." Unfortunately for me, though, I will not be reading something as well written as those two. Instead, I will be reading a creepypasta known simply as "Acid." Yeah, real original…

* * *

_I have very little time to write this._

* * *

And it shows.

So this anonymous author states that her (I'm assuming she's a her) friend got her a new Pokémon Diamond game. It was brand new. Never been opened. Keep that last part in mind.

* * *

_Excited, I fired up the game as soon as I got home. Strangely, there was a save file already present._

* * *

And here, I find the first error. Didn't she just state that the game was "never opened?" Yes, I believe she did. If this is supposed to be scary, it isn't.

So the save file was named Louis. He had all of the badges and all of the Pokémon in his Pokedex. Instead of this scaring her, like any normal person would, she is simply curious and decides to try the save out.

Why the people in creepypastas are so dumb is beyond me. I mean, in every creepypasta, the author will see something strange and completely out of the ordinary, and they shrug it off as a glitch or something, and then continue on. Just why?

* * *

_He had a team composing of four Gastley and two Magikarp. The Gastley were all named "Desire" and the two Magikarp were both named "Karpe Diem."_

* * *

Clever, but it has absolutely no relevance to the story.

So our author decides to test these Pokémon out by going into the grass. Despite the fact Karpe Diem wasn't at the front of the party, he came out anyway. But surprise surprise,

* * *

_The Magikarp knew Acid, Acid Armor, and Acid Spray as well as its usual Splash._

* * *

Does anyone else smell a hacked game here? Oh wait, it's brand new! Oooh, Scary!

* * *

_This disturbed me a little since Acid Spray didn't come out until the fifth generation but here I was, on a fourth generation game and a Magikarp, of all things, had the move._

_I should have given the game back but I was too curious to just call my friend and force her to take the game back._

* * *

Are you crazy? Are you an idiot? I think this is enough evidence to give the game back, or at least turn it off now! This is what I was talking about earlier. Unfortunately, the game went on without her.

* * *

_The game went on without me, the Magikarp using Acid Spray on the poor little Volbeat._

* * *

I'll admit, this is more of a nitpick, but it would've been nice to know that earlier.

* * *

"_Karpe Diem used Acid Spray! Volbeat was badly burned!"_

_It showed the Volbeat, an entire half of its body was burnt and in places, completely melted._

* * *

How is that supposed to look? I mean, it's a pixelated sprite. I can't see how you can tell about how it was burnt.

* * *

"_Karpe Diem wants to eat! Let it?"_

_I furiously tapped no but the game didn't respond. Reluctantly, I tapped yes._

_It showed an animation of the Magikarp leaping at, and consuming, the injured Volbeat._

* * *

…

WHAT?! That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard! I shouldn't be surprised, though. Let me explain.

This is a problem in most creepypastas that center on a video game, especially Pokémon. They always say that something happened, like how a Pokémon killed another one or something like that. However, how is this supposed to happen? I don't think that a hacker could put such elaborate things in these games.

Now, the other common thing people say is that the games are haunted. I find this to be even worse than the hacker theory. Making stuff happen due to paranormal activity is cliché and overdone.

Finally, I have one more complaint about this sentence. Even if that did happen, where's the description? I want to know how the Magikarp ate the Volbeat. This may be gruesome to some people, but creepypastas aren't for the faint of heart. There's no need to be lazy and not put a description in.

(Kyurem sighs.) Let's just finish this up.

* * *

_Scared, I called my friend. She was over within a few minutes and said, "There's only one thing you can do with a cartridge like this." She then yanked the Diamond game out and shoved it into her mouth, crushing it under her teeth and swallowing._

"_Call me if something happens again."_

* * *

Okay, so as you can see, this creepypasta was- WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT?!

* * *

_She then yanked the Diamond game out and shoved it into her mouth, crushing it under her teeth and swallowing._

* * *

I will admit, this last part did catch me off guard, and I might've had to look it over a few times before the shock wore off… NO, I WAS NOT SCARED!

Overall, this creepypasta was, for the most part, not creepy at all as well as unoriginal. However, the ending held a bit of refrigerator scares, but the reader would first have to get through the first part of it to read the end. I would not recommend this to anyone, and is truly just another bad Pokémon creepypasta.

(Kyurem uses Ice Beam on the fanfiction, freezing it to the wall.)

I'm Kyurem, and this has been…

**Kyurem the Critic**

Credits:

Creepypasta wiki

* * *

_Hello there! This is Mr. Grool giving his true opinion on the review you just read. Unfortunately, I agree with everything Kyurem says, though the ending did surprise me. Thanks for reading and sorry to the author if he/she ever reads this review._

* * *

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses.


	2. Keldeo and the Swords of Justice

(Kyurem is playing a Gameboy, his attention focused on the system. Cryogonal nervously taps the dragon)

Cryogonal: Um… Sir? You have a guest.

(Kyurem looks up from his device, annoyed.) What? You mean some idiot actually came back to read this- (Turns to audience) Oh! Welcome back esteemed guest!

**Kyurem the Critic- Keldeo and the Swords of Justice by Matthias123**

**(Pokémon Fanfiction)**

Remember being a kid? Remember when you would get up early on Saturday mornings just so you could watch those cartoons? Those Saturday morning cartoons about superheroes and talking animals? Well I don't. I was born in the Giant Chasm, and people built a wall around their town just to avoid me. And you wonder why I never go out much.

Well, chances are, you've become a teenager, and you've grown out of that childish phase, and have moved onto bigger and better things, such as-

**PG RATING ALERT! PG RATING ALERT!**

Oh yeah. I forgot. Anyways, Matthias123 has been trying to recreate that Saturday Morning Cartoon feel with this story. He's even divided each story into episodes. So these stories focus on Keldeo and the Swords of Justice and their fight against evil or whatever. This particular episode is known as "Darkrai Rises Again."

So does this fanfiction live up to the cartoon universe? Does it give you that feel of nostalgia? Well, be prepared to find out!

* * *

_When Keldeo receives a strange vision, the Swords of Justice soon find themselves defending Kyurem from an army of Fire wielding Ghost and Dark-types, all under the command of the evil Darkrai._

* * *

So, as you can see, yours truly is in this story. Will Matthias play my personality out well? Well, one thing's for sure; I could take that Darkrai down with my hands tied behind my back! That Goth ghost is no match for the Mighty Dragon!

Wait, why is he evil anyway? From what I've seen of him, he's a little depressing, but I don't know why he would want to pick a fight with me.

* * *

_When Kyurem left Giant Chasm to make his home in Full Court, he had no way of knowing that a Darkrai from another world would make it his home._

_This Darkrai fell from a mysterious portal in time and space about 2 years ago, his memories wiped clean. However, this did not destroy his superior intelligence or inner ambition. An ambition to rule the world._

* * *

Okay, so that explains why Darkrai wants to try and fight me. Though, there isn't much of an explanation on why he came to this world, though that can be explained in later episodes.

So Darkrai's evil or whatever, and also, Shuppet and Mismagius are here!

* * *

_The two Pokémon, once servants to the sadistic Grings, Kodai appeared before their master._

* * *

I'm not completely sure how to interpret this, but this does prove that this takes place in the anime universe. In other episodes, Pokémon from the other movies will appear as well.

* * *

_"Master," Shuppet said, "You Fire-Strike Force is complete."_

_"We have gathered an army of Houndour, Houndoom, Litwick, Lampent, and Chandelure," Mismagius said, "We did as we were told. We informed them that after they brought Kyurem under our control, you would usher in age where the Dark-type and Ghost-type would reign supreme in a world of Darkness."_

_"Excellent," Darkrai said, "All is going according to plan. . ."_

_Darkrai then laughed maniacally, as Shuppet and Mismagius smiled, and soon joined in on_ _Darkrai's evil laugh._

* * *

So, by the looks of it, Darkrai is going to use the fire types against me since I'm part Ice-type. However, I'm known as the strongest dragon in Unova, so…

(Kyurem swipes the air with a Shadow Claw, a cocky smirk on his face.) I think I can handle a couple fire-types.

So anyway, we leave Darkrai and his associates for… A theme song? What?

(Cryogonal flies over, a guide book in his chain hands)

Cryogonal: It says here that the theme song is based off the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme.

Huh. Never cared about that show, never will. After the theme song, we find Keldeo about to face the entire army of Fire types. Well that was fast. After seemingly effortlessly plowing through the ranks of Ghost and Dark types, Keldeo comes face to face with the Nightmare Pokémon himself.

* * *

_Keldeo found himself swinging his Secret Sword this way and that, dispatching the evil Pokémon around him. Soon he had broken through, and before him stood a Pokémon he had never seen before. It was a black, shadow-like creature. It had a small head with a white fog-like ghostly substance billowing from its head covering one of its bright blue eyes, with the portion on its face resembling hair. It also had a red spiky growth around its neck. It had skinny arms and long black tatters hanging from its shoulders. It also had black, claw-like hands. It had the slight appearance of an hourglass figure and appeared to be wearing an old, ripped cloak._

* * *

Now that's the kind of description I like! So Keldeo uses Secret Sword on Darkrai, but the blade passes through the Pokémon.

…I see anime logic is present here as well. So after realizing that Darkrai was PokeGenned or something, Darkrai begins transforming into a Dark Keldeo. Yep. Definitely PokeGen.

Keldeo stepped back in fear as he realized that the mist was forming into a dark doppelganger of himself. The doppelganger raised a black Secret Sword up high-

Slash! The end! Ahahahahaha!

_…_

Okay, that wasn't what happened. It turns out Keldeo was dreaming.

* * *

_Keldeo gasped for breath as he lifted his head out of the shallow water. He had lain down to sleep near the edge of the stream last night, and must have rolled over in his sleep._

* * *

So after the narrator gives a brief introduction, we turn back to Darkrai, Mismagius, and Shuppet, who are standing above my Ice Castle.

_Darkrai, Shuppet, and Mismagius stood at the edge of the crater, looking down into Full Court where Kyurem's ice castle stood._

_"Finally the moment has arrived," Darkrai said. He then turned to Shuppet and Mismagius, "You know what you need to do?"_

_The two nodded._

_Darkrai laughed darkly, and then shouted, "ATTACK!"_

_The army behind them charged down into the crater._

* * *

Back to Keldeo, where the dream he has been bothering him all day. The outcome? Slapstick!

* * *

_"Keldeo, I thought you were friends with the grass? You're making so much noi- KELDEO WATCH OUT FOR THE-!"_

_"It doesn't matter if I'm noisy if I go fast eno- AHHHHHHHH!"_

_"- cliff. . .oh dear. . ."_

_"Keldeo. You must jump across this chasm and slash that rock other side."_

_"Okay, Terrakion! Here I go! Hey-ah!"_

_SMACK!_

_". . .um. . .you're supposed to use your Sword, not your. . .face?"_

* * *

Ha. Ha. Ha.

So after telling the Swords of Justice about his dream, Coballion tells Keldeo about how not all dreams are meaningless. So after some boring dialogue, Keldeo finally makes the connection between the dream and me.

* * *

_Coballion turned back to Keldeo and asked, "It was your vision. What does it all mean to you?"_

_Keldeo blinked. He never thought to interpret his own dream. He thought about the enemy army and the shadow creature. Then thought about the army of Cryogonal. He then remembered a detail he had forgotten. The battle had been fought in a mountain crater._

_"Kyurem. . ." Keldeo gasped._

* * *

Finally, we get to the main event, where I'm battling a group of Chandelure… And failing…

* * *

_Kyurem strained under the unending onslaught of Flamethrower attacks. A group of Chandelure had gathered around him, using Inferno and Flame Burst to force him down into the defensive. The attackers had melted the foundations of his ice castle, forcing him to leave lest he be pinned down when it collapsed. The endless attacks prevented him from transforming, and whenever he managed to swipe some away with Shadow Claw or freeze a few of them more would come out and either thaw out their allies or pump flames at him even harder._

* * *

Well, that's a load of baloney! I could take down those Chandelure no problem! Unfortunately, my Cryogonal army isn't doing any better. Well that I can understand.

Cryogonal: Hey…

KNOW YOUR PLACE!

Cryogonal: (whimpers)

…

Ahem, so the Swords of Justice finally arrive, and Keldeo goes to help the Cryogonal, while the others try to help me.

Keldeo shows off a bit, while Coballion, Terrakion, and Virizion help me with the pesky Fire-types. Just as they finish up, however,

* * *

_"Ah ha-ha-ha! We did it!" Terrakion laughed heartily._

_Suddenly, blue tentacles of Psychic energy hit each of the Swords of Justice._

_Virizion buckled under to strain, "Gah! What is this? Psywave?"_

_There was the sound of evil snickering, causing them to turn and see a Mismagius floating behind them._

_"Foolish Knives of Justice!" Mismagius said mockingly, "Did you really think you could foil my Master's brilliant plan?"_

* * *

So Keldeo finishes off the Lampent, only to be subdued by Darkrai himself.

* * *

_Keldeo felt a chill run up his spine as he slowly turned to see the Pokémon from his dream descend from the top of the building._

_"You. . ." Keldeo gasped._

_The Pokémon bowed briefly and said, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Darkrai, the Pitch-Black Pokémon. And you are Keldeo, newest of the Swords of Justice."_

_Keldeo stood his ground and nodded, "Yeah, that's right. But I wanna know why you're having your army attack Kyurem."_

_Darkrai chuckled, "Fool. Don't you see? Kyurem has the potential to create and endless winter. Such a world would always be dark. It would be a world of constant fear. I world where I, the Pokémon who creates Nightmares, would reign supreme. Nightmares and fear give me power, you see."_

_"Wait," Keldeo said in shock, "You're going to use Kyurem to take over the world? That's insane! It's never work! He'd never obey you no matter what you do to him!"_

* * *

You're darn right I won't! Stupid Darkrai…

However, his plan seems to be very thought out. Creating an endless winter would cause starvation and pain, which Darkrai can those emotions with his nightmares. However, I feel like this wouldn't be an ideal world for the Chandelure, Houndooms, and other fire types. The endless winter would most definitely hurt the fire types, so I don't see how they would agree to something like this.

So Keldeo tries to stand up to Darkrai, but he finds the Swords of Justice all beaten and being tortured.

* * *

_Suddenly, three Chandelures floated in and unleashed Flamethrower at the three defeated Swords of Justice. All of them cried out in pain, twisting and convulsing from the searing heat._

* * *

That was a little gruesome, if I do say so myself. I thought this was a kid's show! However, Keldeo finds one flaw in Darkrai's act.

* * *

_Keldeo looked Darkrai in the eye and said, "Terrakion isn't weak to Fire-type attacks. . ."_

_Keldeo's eyes snapped open and the jumped to his hooves. Darkrai floated in front of him, his eyes filled with rage._

_"Impossible!" he shouted, "I used Hypnosis to cast you into a deep slumber, and then Nightmare to destroy you with fear! How did you escape?"_

* * *

Now that was a turn of events! You know, I'm beginning to like this story!

Anyways, the real Swords of Justice are still being held captive by Mismagius, but thankfully, I come to the rescue!

* * *

_Kyurem landed on the ground as he stared at his handiwork. Thanks to the Swords of Justice, he was no longer pinned down by enemies. This allowed him to quickly rise and strike Mismagius with an Ice Beam._

Finally, some recognition! I was beginning to think I would be the damsel in distress.

_"Thank you Kyurem," Coballion said._

_"No. . .thank you. . .these worms fight without honor. . .as a group they tried to bring me down. . .you help was most appreciated," Kyurem said._

* * *

Well, maybe not the exact wording, but close enough. So the Swords of Justice and I come to the fight scene, where a pretty epic battle has been taking place.

* * *

_Darkrai was about to laugh victoriously, when suddenly a Focus Blast hit him in the back. Darkrai stumbled forward, and turned to see Keldeo standing behind him. Darkrai looked at the Keldeo he was holding, and it vanished._

_"Yes!" Terrakion shouted and Virizion breathed out in relief._

_"How dare you!" Darkrai shouted, "Two can play at that game!" Darkrai then used Double Team to make three copies of himself. The four Darkrais flew at Keldeo, who responded by also making three copies of himself._

* * *

_Suddenly, Keldeo began glowing with light._

_"What?" Darkrai gasped._

_With a final flash, Keldeo stood proudly in his Resolute Form._

_"I'll finish this right now! __Secret Sword__!"_

_Keldeo's enlarged horn glowed orange and extended. Keldeo charged at full speed at Darkrai._

_"Fool! You want a world of pain? You will receive it! __Dark Void__!" Darkrai raised his hands and formed a huge purple and black sphere of energy._

_Keldeo shouted at the top of his lungs as he jumped and swung his Secret Sword at Darkrai's head. Drakrai heaved the Dark Void attack in between him and Keldeo. As Keldeo's sword pierced the black sphere, a tremendous explosion erupted right where the pair were battling._

_Everyone was silent as the smoke cleared away. It was soon revealed to them that Keldeo lay unconscious on his back a few feet from the blast, and Darkrai lay thrown against the wall of the building._

* * *

I will admit, despite the fact that that runt stole my thunder, Keldeo sure can battle. Matthias123 can write a good battle as well.

So it looks like the battle ended in a tie, but Darkrai somehow managed to survive the onslaught.

* * *

_There was then the sound of deep groaning. To everyone's shock, Darkrai stood up straight and shook off the daze he received from the attack. Darkrai looked at Keldeo._

_"Unbelievable. . ." he said, "But still. . .I won."_

_Darkrai then flew off into the night._

* * *

Despite the fact that the Swords of Justice say Keldeo will be alright, it seems that Darkrai had left quite an imprint on the runt.

* * *

_"Where am I?" Keldeo said aloud._

_The entire world was black. Just black as the eye could see. Was there any end to this black void?_

_"You cannot hide from me."_

_Keldeo turned around fast to see the dark doppelganger standing behind him. Its Resolute horn was red, his entire body was black and shades of grey, and there was a green glowing gem on its chest._

_Without warning, the doppelganger called forth a Dark Secret Sword and struck._

* * *

So as it turned out, Keldeo was having another dream, and he soon wakes up from it.

So I give Keldeo a pep talk, Keldeo shouts at the sky some, and that's the end!

Oh wait, there's still one more scene, where Darkrai tells Shuppet and Mismagius that Cressila had given Keldeo that first dream. And finally,

* * *

_"Yes. . ." Darkrai hissed contentedly, "The horn fragment. . .broken off Keldeo's horn by a Shadow Claw from Kyurem during Keldeo first battle with him."_

_Keldeo held the pale yellow fragment tightly in his fist._

_"With this horn fragment, I will create a force so powerful, that all of Unova will be mine!"_

_All of Giant Chasm was filled with Darkrai's maniacal laughter._

* * *

To be continued…

Well, I've reviewed this story, and what are my final thoughts?

Well, I'll admit that I like this story! I feel that it really does catch that Saturday Morning Cartoon feel, but it was just mature enough for an older audience to enjoy.

The action was well written, the story was intriguing, the humor was… enjoyable, at most points and almost everyone was in character.

Though, things like these aren't really my cup of berry juice, I would recommend this story.

I'm Kyurem, and this has been…

**Kyurem the Critic**

Credits:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Mr. Grool here with my real thoughts on the subject! I agree with Kyurem on this one! I loved the entire story, and I really do love the cartoon feel it has. Thanks for reading!

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses.


	3. A Brief News Clip

**Kyurem and Cryogonal Studios presents...**

**A brief news clip**

* * *

(Setting: What appears to be the outside of Kyurem's ice castle. Kyurem seems to be walking away from something, grumbling to himself. You can hear the voice of a female reporter following him, asking questions. All of this looks to be filmed from a video camera being held by a camera man.)

Reporter: Kyurem, could you please tell us what you think in the Zorua Keldeo case?

Kyurem: Go away!

Reporter: But you review things too, don't you? Could you tell us of what you think of Keldeo's actions?

Kyurem: I said go away! (Kyurem speeds up)

Reporter: Do you think Zorua is overreacting? Will you be filing charges yourself?

Kyurem: (Super angry) If you don't stop following me, I will sick my Cryogonal on you!

Reporter: (Struggling to keep up with Kyurem) In the fanfiction Keldeo reviewed, the author had called you a "Druggie." What are your thoughts?

Kyurem: (Preparing an Ice Beam) I SAID GO- (Stops and abruptly turns around, holding the reporter by the collar of her shirt)

Kyurem: HE SAID WHAT?!

(End of Clip)


	4. Pokemon Dead Channel part 1

The room is lit by a fire in a stone fireplace. A Christmas tree stands in the background, fully decorated and shining with lights. A few presents are sitting under the tree. The light from the fire gives the room a cozy, warm feeling. A few Cryogonal float by humming Christmas tunes and smiling. A soft, smooth instrumental of "Jingle Bells" plays in the background. Kyurem is standing in the middle of the room.

"Welcome back, friends!" Kyurem says warmly, a smile on his face. "Merry Christmas in Ju- I can't do this!"

Kyurem's smile vanishes and is replaced by a scowl. The music abruptly ends, and the Cryogonal stop what they are doing to stare. Kyurem starts walking away, one of the Cryogonal following him, clearly exasperated.

"What's wrong?" Cryogonal asked Kyurem, his tone confused.

"I'm not going to celebrate Christmas in the summer!" Kyurem shouted back.

"But we do it to take our mind of the heat by thinking of winter!" Cryogonal countered. Kyurem rolled his eyes.

"We live in an ice castle! Why do we need something to take our mind off the heat?" Kyurem yelled, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

**Kyurem the Critic – Pokémon Dead Channel**

**(Pokémon Creepypasta)**

As you can probably see, I'm in a very grumpy mood. There are many reasons for that.

For one thing, I've been bombarded with news reporters about that stupid Zorua Keldeo trial. I don't even know why they're trying to get information out of me! I wasn't even there for that!

For another thing, ever since I reviewed the "Keldeo and the Swords of Justice" fanfiction, the younger Cryogonal have gotten on a Keldeo kick.

* * *

"_Four Swords count it out!" A child Cryogonal cheered, holding up a wooden sword. Three other Cryogonal jumped out, each holding their own swords. The four Cryogonal began slashing at the icicles around them, chanting the theme song from "Keldeo and the Swords of Justice."_

"_Watch out for Darkrai!" one of the children sang as he destroyed an icicle. Just when he finished, however…_

"_WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?!" Kyurem yelled, crashing into the room. The four Cryogonal all screamed and ran away."_

* * *

It took me an hour to recreate all the icicles they destroyed, thank you very much.

The last reason I'm so unhappy is because of this Creepypasta I'm reviewing. By looking at the page on the Creepypasta wiki, this story is apparently very popular. I honestly have no idea why. What I do know is that this story is getting demolished!

Hang on to your hats folks, because I'm about to go all out on this pasta!

Oh, I forgot to mention, this was written by WarriorKloneomon. I just thought I should add that to avoid lawsuits.

* * *

_I was introduced to the video game realm a tad later than most other people. For most, if not all, of my early childhood I was isolated from other kids, and I had next to no social interactions. My days were spent in a prison like school and my nights rotted away with mind-numbing TV._

* * *

So you were an antisocial loser as a kid. Carry on.

* * *

_Life was dull and boring, and all I had were my stuffed animals and cheap, plastic toys to talk to. That's when I got a Gamecube. _

_It was the Christmas of 2003, I believe. I was overjoyed at having my own video game station. It came with the games Super Mario Sunshine, Pac Man World 2, and Pokémon Channel._

* * *

We don't really care what video games you got. Well, besides Pokémon Channel, I guess.

* * *

_The first game I played was Super Mario Sunshine. This game is what got me hooked onto the Mario series. After playing it for hours straight, and finally finding a level I just couldn't get past, I turned to Pac Man World 2. Amazingly enough, I got stuck on level two._

* * *

WE DON'T CARE!

* * *

_As soon as I turned the game on I knew this game was going to be different from the other two. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with the game. When the time came for me to name my Pikachu I unwittingly named him BRVR, short for Brother. What compelled me to give him such a strange nickname that didn't even sound like a shortened version of brother, I'll never know, but regardless, I still enjoyed playing._

* * *

First of all, I have yet to see someone who liked this game. I mean I've never seen it but-

(Cryogonal comes in, cutting Kyurem off. He speaks rapidly fast.)

Cryogonal: We are terribly sorry if you or a friend likes this game. The people at Kyurem and Cryogonal studios are not responsible for Kyurem offending, hurting, or making you cry. Please don't sue us, as we don't have any money.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

* * *

_There is no way for me to describe the love I felt towards this game. It was everything that I had ever dreamed of. In this game I had a friend that I could play with. It all took place in the Pokémon world too, which I had already loved before I even got Pokémon Channel. I could watch TV with my best friend BRVR, go fishing with him, play tic-tac-toe with him, talk to other Pokémon with him, grow a garden with him, build a snowman with him, explore ancient ruins with him,_

* * *

Basically, he is saying that BRVR was his friend.

So the author goes on a long rant about how BRVR was his best friend, he spent his life addicted to the video game, he has no real friends, yadda yadda yadda.

He also mentions that BRVR acts his emotions. If he were to feel sad, BRVR would mirror that. If he were angry, BRVR would act angry. Etcetera and etcetera.

Eventually the author gets a Gameboy and plays games that are actually fun. A lot of this is really long and detailed, so I'm sparing you this by just telling you what's happening. Let me stop here for a second. Here's what I've established so far.

The author is an antisocial geek.

His best friend is a virtual pet.

His parents apparently neglect him, because he has never done things such as play tic-tac-toe or build snowmen.

So this guy is living his life, and one day…

* * *

_Eventually I changed schools and my whole life changed. I was moved from a private, Christian school to a public school and my eyes were opened to reality. I started to learn new things about real life which helped me enjoy it more. People weren't mean and cruel to me, they would greet me when I passed them in the halls. I discovered I could do more than just play video games, I could draw, there were thousands of songs I could listen to, and my grades started dramatically rising._

* * *

Okay, I've never been to a school, but let me say that I would expect kids to be meaner to you in a public school than in a private school.

* * *

_But the best part of all was that I got a new friend. A real friend. One who was flesh and blood. She was funny and helped me get used to the school and was someone I could talk to besides my parents. We both had the same immature and mock everything in every possible way kind of minds. I finally had a best friend._

* * *

Hooray! Our author finally- Oh wait, I don't care. This is a Creepypasta. Not an autobiography.

So our author has forgotten about BRVR and has, quote "moved onto better games." Well our author finally has some common sense!

* * *

_For the next couple of years life was golden. Each day I would learn something new and I had a ton of fun with my best friend. I made a few other friends too, but no one could top my best friend. Every now and then I'd get a new game, get some money, go do something with my best friend, draw something, listen to music. I never wished for anything more._

* * *

(Kyurem seems to have fallen asleep in his chair. He wakes up with a start)

Wha? Oh sorry, I must've fallen asleep.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Kyurem, why are you being so mean about this creepypasta? It's very heartwarming!"

Yes, I know it's heartwarming. However, that's not the point of a creepypasta. A creepypasta is meant to creep you out. Not make you feel all good inside.

Well, let me correct myself. There are a few creepypastas that can be scary and heartwarming at the same time. I've read a Pokémon one myself that was actually able to pull this off. However, this one doesn't seem to be doing that. That's the problem with it.

* * *

_Good things never last._

* * *

Oh boy.

* * *

_Eventually I had to move. I protested and threw a fit but to no avail. Trying to stop the tears from falling down my face, I told my best friend good bye on my last day at that school. For the next few nights I cried myself to sleep at my new house, but eventually I stopped. Having one of my main reasons to live in life ripped away tore a hole in my heart that will never be completely healed, but the pain eventually became less and less._

* * *

I would make a crybaby joke here, but I'll let it slide this one time. This part here is actually one of the better parts of the story.

* * *

_I still had contact with my best friend though. We both had YouTube accounts and we would talk to each other over the internet. We'd call each other too and have sleep overs and sometimes see a movie together, but it hurt to not have her at school anymore. I made some new friends at my new school, even more than at my old school, but none of them were as funny as my best friend. None of them could replace her._

* * *

Hooray! The end! Oh wait, that's not all of it.

* * *

_Just when I thought I could get used to this lifestyle one of the most dreadful things happened. For her sake, I won't post what my friend did, but she did something horrible and my mom refused to let me speak to or see her ever again._

* * *

Wait, what?

* * *

_My heart was utterly smashed into thousands of pieces. I felt like I had nothing left to live for. My best and what felt like only friend was now gone from me forever._

* * *

Oh my gosh, seriously?

So your friend did something so completely and utterly horrible, that you've been forbidden to see her?

What did she do? Murder? Selling drugs? By the looks of it, your friend must've been a real jerk. I mean, if was murder or something of the like, you should be happy that your mother got you away from her. You were probably her next victim.

However, I guess I can understand the crushing feeling you would get, realizing your friend, who you trusted, would do something like this. Still, I can't help feel that was used to drum up some pity. What can I say? I've never had a friend before.

So anyway, the author decides to go back into seclusion, and becomes antisocial again.

* * *

_Searching through my ancient shelf of old games, I pulled out Pokémon Channel. I brushed the dust off of the cover. It felt like it had been an eternity since I've gazed upon the game. I inserted the game disc into the GameCube, grabbed my controller, and awaited to greet my old virtual friend, BRVR._

* * *

We are about a third of the way through, and we have FINALLY reached the part where Pokémon becomes a major plot point.

* * *

_A tear fell down my cheek as memories flooded back while I stared at the title screen_

* * *

Seriously?

So anyway, our author starts up the game, but the normal cut scenes didn't play. Instead, the screen just brought the author to the room where Pikachu normally is. But BRVR is nowhere in sight! Scary!

* * *

_"De bi de? De bi dee!" _

_The Delibird that delivers the goods you buy from the Shop 'N Squirtle channel was at the door. I smiled warmly at the sight. I remembered I bought something from that channel almost every day when I was younger. I thought I must have bought something the last time I played and completely forgotten about it. Curious about what was in the delivery, I eagerly headed for the door._

* * *

But suddenly…

* * *

_"Pikaa..." _

_A deep moaning sound stopped me before I could reach the door. I turned the screen and saw BRVR climbing out from under the bed. He looked beat up and depressed. I had never seen him climb out from underneath the bed before, except for when he's searching for the Pokémon Mini in the beginning of the game. When he turned and saw me a shocked expression came over his face, like it normally should._

* * *

But BRVR is not happy to see the author. BRVR is infuriated for some reason. The author is confused by this momentarily, but apparently that Delibird at the door is more important than the Pikachu who is clearly acting out of program. Again, Seriously?

* * *

_I wondered what was inside as BRVR leaned inside the box and took out the items. "You got a Pikachu TV Z! The Pikachu TV Z has been displayed." A menacing and quite gruesome looking Pikachu TV was set up in replacement of my old Voltorb TV._

* * *

(Kyurem suddenly looks slightly scared) No… Please no…

* * *

_It looked like a Pikachu head facing towards you with its jaws wide open. Inside its mouth was the TV screen with its fangs hanging over the top and bottom._

* * *

Please… Please don't do it…

* * *

_It looked like the skin was tearing and ripping apart at places, like the TV screen was too large for it's mouth. I was a bit shocked at how scary the TV looked. _

_"You got Red Wallpaper Z! The wallpaper has been displayed." I gasped when the wallpaper was put up. It was dark red like dried blood. Pikachus with sick, twisted smiles were repeated all across it._

* * *

(Kyurem is looking extremely angry) I swear, if you do it…

* * *

_They each were bright red like freshly drawn blood._

* * *

(Kyurem gets up from his chair, madly thrashing about) NOOOOOO!

YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! (Kyurem continues to thrash around, yelling like a madman. After a few minutes, he finally begins to calm down.)

This is the problem with creepypastas! The authors think that if they add blood and gore to their story, it will automatically be good! They overdo it, and it's just one big gore fest! We're reading a story! Not watching a movie! Don't get me started on the use of the phrase "Hyper Realistic!"

(Kyurem finally calms down, and looks at the destruction he made in the room. The walls have marks all over them, and are smashed in some places. Kyurem's chair has been broken to pieces.)

(Kyurem sighs) Look, I have to get ready for the gore fest. I recommend you prepare yourself as well.

**We'll be right back!**

* * *

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses.


	5. Pokemon Dead Channel part 2

**Kyurem the Critic – Pokémon Dead Channel Part 2**

**(Pokémon Creepypasta)**

Okay, let's just get this over with.

**Jontron**: You don't want to do this! You think you do, but you don't!

My words exactly.

* * *

_"You got Pikachu Doll Z! The doll has been displayed." I winced with fear when I saw the morbid Pikachu placed on top of one of the shelves. It had the same eerie grin as the Pikachus on the wallpaper, except with long fangs. Its eyes were small, ruby red, and dilated. The tip of its tail curved inwards like a hook, and it had sharp looking claws. Numerous dried streaks of blood ran the length of its body._

* * *

It gets so much worse from this point forward. I apologize if I sound like a broken record throughout the story.

So for some reason, the entire room is filled with these Pikachu Doll Zs. How did they fit in the package? How did Delibird carry all of those dolls? BRVR must be pretty girly if he plays with dolls.

* * *

_BRVR got up and looked around the room. He nodded in satisfaction and walked towards the TV. I sat in my chair stricken with fear. Even though it had been years since I've played the game I knew these items were never in it. "Pikaa." A threatning and commanding call came from Pikachu. He was standing in front of the TV giving me a glare. I knew he wanted me to go over there_.

* * *

Apparently there are two Pikachus in the room! There's BRVR, and there's a second who is watching TV. I wonder where the other one came from.

* * *

_I walked to the TV and turned it on. It opened to the Report channel like normal, but to my horror the screen looked like it had blood dripping down it._

* * *

Hey, I have an idea! Every time this pasta uses the word "Blood," take a shot of whiskey! I will give you access to my Cryogonal army if you don't have some sort of alcohol poisoning at the end of it.

So BRVR, the author, and that random Pikachu mess around with the TV for a bit, with some bloody Pikachus jumping over a fence, and a fortune cookie we don't even get to read. What a rip-off!

So the author decides to look at some painting of Jirachi he made, and it turns out BRVR is saddened by looking at the painting. BRVR then asks our antisocial author a riveting question.

* * *

_"BRVR wants to know if you still love him." It had an O (Yes) and X (No) option. BRVR has never asked that before. I immediately clicked O._

* * *

But apparently this is the most hilarious thing ever, because BRVR finds this so funny, that he bends over laughing. So BRVR calls the author's bluff and goes back to watching TV. Then the author decides to finally get smart and reset the game!

* * *

_I got up and reached for the restart button, but when I pressed it nothing happened. I pressed it a second time and still nothing. _

_"The game cannot be reset right now"_

* * *

Aw, come on! You could've ended it there!

So instead of breaking the GameCube or, I don't know, WALKING AWAY, the author decides to, and I quote, "See where this goes." I think it's pretty clear where this is going.

So after talking about blood n'stuff for a full paragraph, BRVR decides that he's getting too fat, sitting here and watching TV, so he asks to go outside.

Oh, perhaps I should point out that things get a little gruesome here, so the faint of heart, turn back now. Of course, it doesn't make the story any better.

* * *

_The sky was blood red with even darker red clouds swirling in it. Strewn all across the lawn were dead Pokémon corpses. I couldn't tell what many of them were, most of their limbs were torn off, their faces shredded entrails everywhere. I felt sick, like I was about to throw up._

* * *

Now, I know things are looking a lot scarier, but you'll soon see that it gets old real fast.

**Ash**: If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Ash, my boy, this was broken before the pasta started.

So BRVR plays with a Skitty corpse for a bit, and then they go to the garden.

* * *

_When we stepped into the garden two plants were fully grown. Instead of fruits, they had grown Pikachu heads._

* * *

Even in the Pokémon world, this is considered impossible. So BRVR eats a Pikachu head, and the two companions go back inside.

* * *

_Almost as soon as we went inside BRVR went immediately to the back door. Guess who was forced to follow yet again?_

* * *

Me, and trust me, I don't want to.

Okay, from this point on, the two lovebirds get on some random bus and go to different places. I'll just give you a tidbit or two from each location. Yes, I just used the word "tidbit."

First stop, Viridian forest! Events include BRVR eating a bleeding mushroom and the Pokémon concert!

* * *

_Using the bells they played the most haunting and blood-chilling tune I had ever heard. I was awestruck. It sounded so beautiful, yet so horrifying. It was high pitched and made my ears ache, but I was in a trance and couldn't think to turn the volume down. After what seemed like years, the play was finally over._

* * *

Years? Seriously? And what was the tune? First thing that comes to mind is the Pokémon Tower theme.

Hey, that's what this story needs! Lavender Town! Lavender Town is used more times than the phrase "hyper realistic" in Pokémon pastas!

So BRVR and author leave Viridian forest (which was on fire) and get on the bus to some place called Cobalt Beach.

There's another thing I want to know. Who's driving these buses? It seems like BRVR killed everyone besides Delibird and that Pikachu who was watching TV, so who's the driver? My guess is those Pikachu Z dolls. They keep popping up in random places. They were playing that tune in Viridian Forest, despite the fact that they're dolls and incapable of movement. There are so many things physically impossible with this pasta!

So they get to the beach, and it's about what you'd expect. Pokémon corpses, body parts everywhere, and the ocean looked like, what else, blood! I have to point something out here.

* * *

_It then became apparent to me that BRVR didn't like other Pokémon._

* * *

NO! WAY!

So our two heroes play Tic-Tac-Toe, and the author somehow gets beaten by BRVR. How old is this guy? I mean, no one loses at Tic-Tac-Toe. Well, except my Cryogonal.

"_Please please please please play Tic-Tac-Toe with me?" A Cryogonal asked Kyurem for the fifth time. Kyurem, at his wit's end, fired an Ice Beam at Cryogonal, freezing him in place. He then carved three Xs in the ice with his claws._

"_I won." Stated Kyurem._

So after feeling sorry that he won, BRVR decides to go fishing. And now one of the most infamous parts of the pasta.

* * *

_Shortly afterwards, BRVR caught something on his line. With a great yank, the creature came flying out of the ocean. _

_I swear to god, this creature shall forever haunt my dreams. _

_It looked like an oversized, dark purple Magikarp, but it was foaming at the mouth while a green, acidic blood poured out from numerous gashes all along it's body. Multiple organs clung to the many spikes sticking out from its body. Parts of its scales had been scraped away exposing muscle underneath, and some parts of the muscle looked like they had been eaten, leaving bones sticking out. It flopped around and gasped for air while disturbing, gurgling sounds emitted from its mouth._

* * *

Now this may actually have been creepy, if it wasn't for the picture of the Magikarp at the bottom of the page. Someone tried to recreate the image using a sprite from the actual game, and it came out looking like the dumbest thing ever.

Okay, I'm just going to summarize the next few paragraphs, because I can't take much more of this. It's just so boring and stupid!

So BRVR reveals to the author that he made this world to please him, and then they go to Mt. Silve- I mean Snowfall.

At the mountain, BRVR actually sings a song that is apparently the saddest thing the author has ever heard. He takes half a paragraph to describe it, probably thinking that would be enough of an explanation for us. Maybe your audience would like to HEAR it?

Oh, and he actually tries to get us to feel sorry for him!

* * *

_My poor emotional heart broke in two listening to this sorrow drenched melody._

* * *

(Kyurem gives a laugh of exasperation) Your _poor, emotional _heart? Are you kidding me?! I'll tell you one thing; I am in much more pain reading this.

So they go to the ruins of Alp- I mean Truth, where there is strange writing on the wall. It was supposedly written by BRVR. The writing says things like "Kill me" and "Where is she?" Wait, the author is a she? You know what? I don't care anymore.

So it is said that BRVR did all of this because the author abandoned him. Now, let me explain why this is so stupid.

Children aren't meant to play games forever. They will eventually stop playing the game, either when they hit another phase or when they grow up.

(Cryogonal flies in)

Cryogonal: Like Toy Story!

Er, yeah. The circumstances may change because BRVR is, well, alive and all, but he obviously knows he's in a game; he mentions being trapped in a virtual world. Therefore, he should be well aware that the author is going to forget about him.

BRVR convinces the author that he's a jerk, and the author tells BRVR he's sorry or something. Now, in a good story, BRVR would forgive the author. In this one, BRVR wants to see the author suffer, as if he hasn't suffered enough. As if we haven't suffered enough.

Let's just finish this awful story.

* * *

_He casted me one last wicked grin, the widest and most grotesque I had ever seen, and the screen cut to black. After a moment, the title screen appeared. The continue button was gone. I sighed in relief that this horrifying reunion was over. I got up and looked back at my desk. _

_On it was a Pikachu Doll Z._

* * *

(Kyurem has a glare of death on his face.)

Not only is this story boring, pitiful, lame, and flat out dumb, but this story has copied work from another Creepypasta.

In the pasta , which was famous until Yuriofwind completely thrashed it, the pasta ends with an evil Sonic doll on the person's bed. Now, the idea of a doll coming out of a TV is stupid enough on its own, but the author has the gall to use the idea, without changing anything about it, and put it in his story? That is just pathetic.

So, what are my final thoughts? This story is one of the most awful things I've ever read. I literally have no idea why it is so popular and has so much fan art. The author is antisocial and bland, the story is boring, the plot is dumb, BRVR is an idiot and it repeats itself over and over! Blood bloody blood is the only thing for two thirds of the story!

This story doesn't deserve to live!

(Kyurem and the entire army of Cryogonal use Ice Beam on the Pasta, then Kyurem uses Dragon Pulse and Shadow Claw on it repeatedly, reducing it to charred shreds.)

I don't know about you, but I need a break from awful pastas.

I'm Kyurem, and this was…

**Kyurem the Critic**

Credits

Jontron on YouTube

Yuriofwind on YouTube

Pokémon anime

Toy Story

* * *

Mr. Grool here with his review on the story. I'm sorry, but this pasta is really, really boring. Kyurem may have thrashed it a little too brutally, but it isn't much better than Kyurem made it out to be. The only redeeming factor is that the author took his time to be descriptive. Thanks for reading!

* * *

_Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123._

_Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses._


	6. Dramatic Skit 1

Kyurem sat in his private chambers, looking somewhat sickly and moaning softly. The ice that usually covered his mouth had started to melt, implying that he had a slight fever. He seemed very weak and tired.

Into the room came a single Cryogonal. The Pokémon looked around nervously before cautiously floating towards Kyurem. The particular Cryogonal was really the leader of Kyurem's Cryogonal army, being the second in command of sorts.

"Um… Sir?" The Cryogonal spoke nervously. Kyurem raised his eyes at the Pokémon.

"Sir, it's been awhile since your last review." Cryogonal continued. "The people are probably waiting." Kyurem sighed.

"This heat wave," Kyurem gasped. "I've been using… all of my power to make sure this castle… doesn't melt and crash… Too weak…"

"Then what should we do, sir?" Cryogonal asked the dragon type. Kyurem pondered for a second, before heaving a great sigh.

"If I'm unable to do something… Things… Usually go to the second in command." The words seemed to hurt Kyurem as he spoke. Cryogonal, however, perked up immensely, guessing where it was going.

"Yes?" Cryogonal asked, an excited grin coming to his face.

"This goes against everything I've ever done…" Kyurem started, cringing. "I know I'm going to regret this… But can you… Review… a fanfiction?" he asked the elated snowflake.

No sooner had the words left his mouth did Cryogonal give a whoop of joy, spinning in the air.

"OhmygoshIhavetogetpreparedIknowtheperfectfanficti ontooit'sgoingtobesoawesome!" Cryogonal yelled, flying around the room. He suddenly stopped as Kyurem grabbed him from the air and brought him inches to his face.

"But if you mess this up…" Kyurem seethed, his face filled with malice. "I WILL TAKE YOUR CHAIN AND USE IT TO STRANGLE YOU!" He then let go of Cryogonal and fell to the floor.

"So good luck." Kyurem smiled, his voice sickly sweet. Cryogonal, shaking from pure terror, slowly flew out of the room.


	7. Cryogonal Critic: Ghost of Team Rocket

**Cryogonal the Critic – The Ghost of Team Rocket**

**(Pokémon Fanfiction)**

(The usually barren icy room has been adorned with slightly tattered red curtains. Cryogonal the Critic floats over Kyurem's chair, a big smile on his face.)

Hey everybody! Call me Cryogonal the Critic! I review Pokémon Fanfiction when Kyurem is busy! As you've probably heard, Kyurem has been feeling under the weather lately, so I graciously stepped up to help him! (Cryogonal gives a nervous wink before continuing)

Today, I'm going to take you back in time. A time where the world of Pokémon was at its humble beginnings. A time when Mew was considered the god of all Pokémon. A time when the psychic type ruled supreme and Ash still had a right to be ten. I'm going to take you back… To the year 1999.

Around this time, this website of Fanfiction was but a small community, where people would come on their dial up internet to read what their peers had to offer.

Today, we'll be traveling back to this time period to read a very special fanfiction. The first Pokémon fanfiction ever made on the site! The Ghost of Team Rocket!

Now, you would expect the very first Pokémon fanfictions to be filled with wonder of the early minds, with stories of Pikablu and the mysterious truck!

…Well this story has one chapter. (Cryogonal forces a smile.) This should be fun.

* * *

_The ghost of Team Rocket_

_"Your assignment is to defeat all 8 gym leaders and earn the badges in the name of Team Rocket, so I can control my MewTwo. Should you fail, you will receive no pay for labor and expenses. Is that clear, Mr. Baker?" _

_"Yes, sir" I replied to the boss. _

_"In that case, leave now." _

_"Yes, sir."_

* * *

Wow that was fast! I mean, we just came right in the story! How about a little backstory, buddy? Maybe telling people who you are, or what you look like? Is this even Giovanni you're speaking to? I'm starting to think this kid hasn't finished the game.

I'll bring up what a certain person said in the reviews. What's the motivation? Why do you need the gym badges to control Mewtwo? And if Giovanni is a Gym Leader, then shouldn't he already have the eight badges?

* * *

_Now I was out on my own with my standard-issue Pokémon. I had chosen Gastly, because I liked ghosts, and they were out of Haunters._

* * *

So I guess that's where the name came from. Wouldn't it have been clearer if the title was something like "The Ghost Trainer of Team Rocket?" Your current title makes it sound like some Grunt died and was seeking his revenge or something. Maybe that's why everyone thought that this would be a good story.

So we skip to "Mr. Baker" in a random city and he calls for a taxi.

* * *

_"Taxi !" I yelled. A Pidgeot with a sign reading "TAXI" on its neck stopped in front of me. "Pidge!Pidgeot!" A metallic box on its head translated in a metallic voice, "Where to, sir?"_

* * *

Okay, that was pretty clever. Still, explaining the translator would've been nice.

So The Ghost of Team Rocket goes to Pewter city with the Pidgeot.

* * *

_"That will be $32, please." I gave the money to a wooden box on the pidgeot's back._

* * *

Woah, woah woah. Why would you pay the Pidgeot? You're part of Team Rocket! You don't pay the fee! You're the original criminal organization!

Okay, so after this point, the writer got lazy and everything was written in a single paragraph. Even the most lax person on paragraphs and grammar would have to call him out on this. I'll try to break it up for you.

* * *

_After arriving at the gym, a trainer stood before me. "To fight Brock, you must defeat me!" "Fine," I said_

* * *

Oh come on! You're part of the original generations! I want to see "You're light-years away from facing Brock!"

* * *

_"Come on Rhyhorn!" "Gastly, attack!" This was my lucky day. Even though rhyhorn is rock/ground, it only learns normal attacks. Attacks that don't affect ghosts._

* * *

*Cryogonal is on a computer, looking at Bulbapedia*

I was going to say that part wasn't true, but Rhyhorn really doesn't know any attacks besides normal. I mean, it can learn TMs, but players never use those.

However, he had enough time to figure out Rhyhorn only knows normal attacks, but he doesn't have time to find out who the Team Rocket leader is?! Well that's dumb.

So we have a battle, but nothing exciting happens, because this author is too lazy to put any descriptions in. It's just "Gastly used Lick! Rhyhorn hurt himself!" So on and so forth. One thing I want to point out, though...

* * *

_I smiled evilly, as Team Rocket requires._

* * *

Seriously? So if I joined Team Rocket, I would be_ required_ to give an evil smile? That's really dumb.

So Mr. Baker defeats the kid and goes up to Brock.

* * *

_"I'll be taking your badge in the name of Team Rocket now!"_ _"We'll see. Onix Go!"_

* * *

*Cryogonal looks confused* Wait a minute. Who's talking here? I mean we can understand who is talking, but there is absolutely no indication. Also, why is Brock acting so weird? Someone came up to him and told him he was part of a gang organization that specialized in stealing Pokémon, and he is just treating it like a normal challenger.

So we have a Gym Battle that is even shorter than the one with Rhyhorn. You can practically see the author getting lazier and lazier.

* * *

_"Tackle the Gastly, Onix!" Brock's Onix flew through my Gastly, into the wall. "Lick it, Gastly" My Pokémon proceeded to whip the Onix with its tongue._

* * *

And now it's time for the grand finale! This infamous scene!

* * *

_I was impressed with the Onix, and decided to get me one. Something Silph Co. doesn't tell you is that pokéballs can imprison people too. "Pokéball, go!" "What? Nooo!" Brock exclaimed as he was captured in the ball._

* * *

*Cryogonal has a deadpan expression, as another Cryogonal flies by, holding up a cardboard Me Gusta face*

Are you serious? Are you really serious?

You know, when I was told by Kyurem to review a fanfiction, I vowed that I would be much gentler and follow the code of honor that the Swords of Justice follow. But this… This is just the dumbest thing I've read! It doesn't even make sense!

Now, as most of you know, "Kevin and Buizel" did this as well, but this one just comes off as stupid! It doesn't even have any plot relevance!

So Mr. Baker catches the Onix and flies off to Cerulean city, with the promising author's note;

* * *

_More coming soon in the next volume._

* * *

The story just ends there. There never was a part two. I guess the author was just sapped of creativity in this 414 word story.

Now, I'm guessing this is how the story was conceived.

*The following part is narrated by Cryogonal the Critic, but is acted out by a copy pasted boy on a sky background with an old computer*

So Once Upon a Time, some random kid was all like "Hey Im ganna make a storay on this fanfiction website!1"

So he began writing on his old computer, but since he was eight years old and had such a short attention span, he quickly ran out of ideas fifteen minutes into writing the story, so he just posted it on the site.

*The scene cuts back to Cryogonal the Critic*

And so that, my friends, is the story of the first Pokémon fanfiction. One of the worst fanfictions, as well.

I'm Cryogonal the Critic, and thanks for watching!

**Cryogonal the Critic**

Credits

Various Memes

Bulbapedia

Various reviewers of the Fanfiction

Kevin and Buizel on Fanfiction

* * *

_Mr. Grool here with his review on the story. As you can probably tell, this story was pretty bad. Most of it is unreadable due to the single paragraph it's in, and the plot didn't make much sense at all._

_Now, Cryogonal is to be a little less cruel to stories, but only if they're good. He will be making more appearances, but more will be on that later. Also, sorry for the wait. I have been on vacation last week, so I didn't get a lot of time to write this. Thanks for reading!_

* * *

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses. Creepypasta-related reviews can also be associated with "Creepypasta Story Time" By Yuriofwind on Youtube.


	8. Death Battle! Cryogonal VS Unfezant!

_(I was thinking about Mewtwo being the equivalent of the Angry Video Game Nerd, and that got me thinking about Screw Attack on YouTube, which got me thinking about…)_

_**Death Battle!**_

* * *

(Kyurem the Critic is standing in an announcer's box you see at football games. He is wearing a headset, and giving a genuine, if not sadistic, smile. There is a stadium that appears to be indoors. The entire stadium is made of ice.)

Welcome to Death Battle! The show where we pit people against each other, and make them fight!

Now, usually I don't like to partake in the idiotic skits my minions come up with, mainly Cryogonal the Critic, but the thought of watching people destroy each other just has a certain ring to it that I like. (Kyurem gave a small smile before going back to business.)

Now, today's Death Battle is between two armies. One of which you know very well.

The other one was brought to our attention after a certain little dark type, annoying and idiotic that he is, reviewed the fanfiction "Keldeo's Tear of Courage." A certain part was brought to our attention.

* * *

_Excerpt from "Zorua Reviews"_

_Back at his original home his parents were getting very worried about where he was. They sent out their friends from the unfeasent sky patrol to search for their lost son. The patrol searched for hours but found no trace of him anywhere because they didn't search from the ground, only the sky._

* * *

After reading this, we decided to finally bring our Death Battle ideas into the open. Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you to…

** Death Battle!**

* * *

**Cryogonal Army**

**VS**

**Unfezant Patrol!**

* * *

**Meet the Cryogonal Army!**

(Video clips from "Keldeo and the Swords of Justice are played, showing different scenes with the Cryogonal in it. Kyurem talks in the background)

The minions of yours truly, the Cryogonal army is a massive force to contend with. Each one follows the orders of the lead Cryogonal, who in turn is following orders from Kyurem. Using this method, the Cryogonal army can function as a single unit, mercilessly chasing down and capturing anything that makes its way into Kyurem's lair.

Each Cryogonal knows Ice Beam, and can combine each beam into a single, massive destruction Ice Beam. The Cryogonal will stop at nothing to please Kyurem.

Though the Cryogonal are emotionless and merciless while following orders, each one has its own personality, one notable one being the one and only Cryogonal the Critic.

The Cryogonal have many tricks up their sleeves, but will it be enough to beat their adversary?

* * *

**Meet the Unfezant Patrol!**

(Scenes of the Unfezant Patrol are shown as Kyurem continues the monologue.)

The high-flying watchers of the sky, the Unfezant Patrol knows how to search and rescue with style.

First seen in the, admittedly below average, fanfiction "Keldeo's Tear of Courage," this mostly male team of birds are close friends with the Swords of Justice. The team is designed to search and rescue lost Pokémon.

Unlike the Cryogonal army, each individual member of the Unfezant Patrol has its own opinion while in battle, giving the team more free will. Their group is much smaller, which can help and hurt. Also, each Unfezant knows a variety of moves, giving more diversity than the Cryogonal army.

So, who will win this battle of the air? Find out now!

* * *

_We now go to third person view_

(The scene changes to the stadium, with several Pokémon, and even a few legendaries are watching. Out from the left side come the Cryogonal army, the fifty of them in a straight line. Out the other side comes the Unfezant Patrol, the group of twenty flying into the air. The crowd falls silent)

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Kyurem yelled. "Are you ready to Death Battle?" The crowd went wild with cheers.

"You may now… begin!" Kyurem cried, a gong sounding off in the distance.

The Unfezant Patrol flew directly at the Cryogonal army, each one performing Quick Attack.

"Dodge!" A voice came from the Cryogonal. The formation of snowflakes quickly scattered, causing the Unfezant to become confused. The Unfezant abruptly stopped their attack, forming back into their small group.

The Cryogonal began circling around the Unfezant Patrol, forming a circle around them. The army locked their chains together, preventing the Unfezant's escape.

"Ice Beam!" The lead Cryogonal yelled. The group began charging their weapons, light blue orbs forming near their mouth. The Unfezant patrol was ready, however.

Just as the Cryogonal began firing the jagged streams of ice, the Unfezant split in two, half going above them and the other below. The beams met in the middle, causing an explosion. The Cryogonal quickly scattered as icy shards flew by them.

The explosion had settled, but it had left an icy mist covering the field. The Unfezant couldn't regroup, due to the cold slowing them down. The Cryogonal, however, quickly regrouped, about forty of them left.

"All right, guys," the lead Cryogonal said to the group. "It's time to use maneuver Destiny Red." Most of the Cryogonal smiled, except one.

"What's Destiny Red, again?" he asked the lead. At this, the lead Cryogonal smiled.

"Spam until we win."

* * *

The mist was beginning to thin, and the Unfezant were able to regroup. Thankfully, all of the Unfezant were able to avoid the icy explosion, though some had varying degrees of damage.

"Don't worry guys." The lead Unfezant said confidently to the others. "The Cryogonal may be strong, but they work as one mind. If we can get them apart, we can win." The other Unfezant nodded. Encouraged, the lead Unfezant continued his speech.

"We may be outnumbered and outgunned," he continued, smiling broadly. "But that doesn't matter when-AWK!" He was swiftly interrupted by an Ice Beam from one of the Cryogonal. Before the other Unfezant had time to react, the Cryogonal army began appearing out of the mist, firing their Ice Beams randomly around, never ceasing.

The Unfezant began falling rather quickly, the super effective attacks finally taking hold. The group of birds began to panic, fly away from the fray. Cryogonal began flanking the birds from all sides, their numbers coming in handy.

A small group of Unfezants began fighting back, using their variety of attacks to try and gain the upper hand. However, the group couldn't stand the sheer numbers of Cryogonal, and quickly fell to about five. Finally, the attack ceased, and the last of the Unfezant were gathered together. Only ten remained, as opposed to the Cryogonal army's thirty.

The lead Cryogonal came out of the ranks, smiling broadly.

"Well, it looks like this Death Battle is over." He said to the Unfezant. "Perhaps it would be best if you surrendered now." Little did the leader know, was that the Unfezant Patrol had one last trick up their sleeve.

"We would, but there's one reason why we can't surrender." A lone Unfezant said to the Cryogonal.

"And what would that be?" The lead Cryogonal asked, moving in front of the Unfezant.

"This." The Unfezant responded, before using Air Cutter on the Cryogonal. The Lead Cryogonal fell back surprised. The attack was soon followed by several more Air Cutters from the remaining Unfezant. Before he knew it, the lead Cryogonal fell to the ground, fainted.

The rest of the Cryogonal looked down, shocked. Since their leader was gone, they didn't have anyone to give orders. This was all the Unfezant needed.

"Attack!" the one Unfezant yelled. The Unfezant began to viciously attack the Cryogonal, catching them all off guard. The Unfezant began to quickly defeat the Cryogonal, taking fifteen of them before the Cryogonal began to fight back.

Explosions quickly filled the stadium as Ice Beams and Air Cutters clashed. The Cryogonal quickly regrouped and began fighting the Unfezant, the battle going back into full swing. The audience watched excitedly as the two forces rammed into each other, waiting to see who the victor was.

Another explosion filled the room again as three Ice Beams were hit by several Air Cutter attacks, causing the Unfezant and Cryogonal to reel in pain. The explosion rocked the stadium again, causing mist to fill the field as well as the stands.

...

The mist finally cleared, revealing that the field was covered in ice, fainted Cryogonal and Unfezant lay partially frozen. Every, even Kyurem, searched the ground intently for a conscious Pokémon.

"Well, folks," Kyurem said, a little shocked. "It looks like this Death Battle was-" he was cut off as a faint pounding could be heard on the iced-over ground. The pounding became louder as the ice cracked, revealing the Pokémon who was trapped under the ice.

* * *

"My head…" Cryogonal the Critic moaned, rubbing the side of his head with his chain-arm. He suddenly looked around the field in shock.

"I'm… The last one?" he asked hesitantly. "So that means…"

"THE CRYOGONAL ARMY HAS WON THE DEATH BATTLE!" Kyurem finished for him, grinning broadly. The crowd suddenly burst into applause, cheering for Cryogonal the Critic. The snowflake somehow blushed at the attention.

* * *

(The scene suddenly changes back to the Cryogonal footage, with Kyurem's voice in the background)

_Back to Kyurem's point of view_

Yes, even though the Unfezant had strategy on their side, there is really no denying the power of a super effective attack. In the end, the Cryogonal army was just too powerful for the Unfezant Patrol, and rightfully so. I trained my army well!

Thank you for watching, and prepare for more Kyurem the Critic, as well as…

_**Death Battle!**_

* * *

_(Mr. Grool: Yeah, I'm not sure how this turned out. I thought the idea was okay, but I didn't really like how it turned out. Please tell me what you think.)_

_**(Notice: No Pokémon were killed during this Death Battle. Mr. Grool also does not own the Pokemon Franchise. Thank you for watching)**_


	9. PKEMON Violet Islands part 1

**Kyurem the Critic – The Violet Islands**

**(Pokémon Creepypasta)**

Welcome back to Kyurem the Critic.

Now that the heat wave is over, and the runt Keldeo and spoiled brat Zorua have finally stopped arguing about nothing, everything should be back to normal.

In our past Creepypastas, we have seen stories that contain pointless gore, and idiotic characters. Characters that play games that are obviously not functioning properly.

While browsing the Creepypasta wiki, I found a certain story. I don't remember what it was called, but the author mentioned writing a different Creepypasta earlier.

Okay, now first of all, saying you've made a different Creepypasta is just stupid. It makes you look like a fake, since you have supposedly played a cursed game and lived. Not only that, you actually played a second cursed game?! That's stupid! Why would the exact same person play two cursed games in their lifetime! It's like Tom from !

However, this could also be seen as a good thing. If this person had already created a Creepypasta before, he should know how to do it right! Since he obviously thinks his pastas are good enough to make a second one, then he must be one of the best around!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let us start…

_**PKEMON- The Violet Islands**_

…This should be fun…

* * *

_I don't see why I'm writing this story at all,_

* * *

If your writing is as good as the spelling in the title, I don't see why either.

* * *

_I'm in the middle of class at my school and all it's doing is bringing back haunting memories. But, I believe that if I don't get this out of my head and into the open it will stay with me the rest of my life, so here it goes. This is the story of how I found the secret area in Pokémon- The Violet Islands._

* * *

Title drop! Oh wait; it's not a title drop because he spelled it right this time!

Oh and how are you writing on a computer in the middle of class? Your teacher just lets you type away on your laptop? Idiotic public schools… Or maybe private? I don't know.

* * *

_It was a normal day. I slugged through school, listened to music on the bus ride home, and sped through my homework to play Minecraft as soon as I could._

* * *

(Kyurem looks slightly annoyed)

Oh boy, it's one of those pastas where we get into the author's personal life. And really, Minecraft? Put on your seatbelts, everyone. We're going into rocky waters now.

* * *

_But today wouldn't be normal, it was going to mentally scar me for a long time. No matter how much I try, this thought comes back to me at least ten times an hour, lasting for at least a minute each time._

* * *

Yuriofwind: Everyone get out your stopwatches!

You know, maybe I'm being too hard on this. It's only the beginning of the story, and I've really thrashed it. I mean, it's not like something completely unrelated comes into play-

* * *

_I went on my server, ( . In case any of you want to know) and I accomplished the usual. I got creative, so I was building and helping others_.

* * *

Oh, you had to bring Minecraft into this! Believe it or not, Minecraft becomes a major plot point in this story! Just because you're addicted to Minecraft doesn't mean everyone else should care!

And what's with the server name? Was this just an advertising spree? Oh, and I checked. This is a real server. There's YouTube videos and everything.

* * *

_My mom called me for a snack, and I paused the game where I was and went to eat._

* * *

Don't care.

* * *

_I flopped back in the chair to play. I unpaused it, and I looked at what the screen said. _

_Disconnected From Server by BennySaysByeBye._

* * *

(Monotonous tone) I am so scared, I'm shaking in my boots.

So our author gets back on the server, and the only one on is BennySaysByeBye. The mysterious player spams the chat box with random letters, before posting a "mysterious link." Suddenly it says;

* * *

_BennySaysByeBye Has left the server, His soul is at rest._

* * *

Wait a minute. BennySaysByeBye… Benny… Ben… BEN! It's BEN!

Oh wait. That means the author is just stealing from other pastas too. Idiot.

So our author is "morbidly shocked" at the sentence, but just thinks that someone is, ahem, "messing" with him. Yep. This story has swear words too. Though that's okay for a Creepypasta, the words are really pointless and don't add to a creepy effect.

* * *

_I sighed, and continued on with my life._

* * *

Oh, that's it? He continued on with his life? (Kyurem looks to audience) Okay, thanks for coming!

(Random Cryogonal flies in)

Cryogonal: That's all folks!

(Curtains close as the traditional end "Looney Toons" music plays)

(Behind curtains, other Cryogonal are whispering to Kyurem, before the curtains open again. Kyurem looks annoyed.)

Okay, so that's not the end of the pasta. In fact, we're not even a quarter of the way through.

* * *

_I looked at the link, I won't post it because you're bound to go looking for it. Typed it in the URL bar and went there._

* * *

Oh boy, it's idiot time. Didn't your mommy ever tell you to never type in random links? Someone could be trying to put five different viruses into your computer! Apparently, your mommy never told you that.

So the link didn't send in five different viruses, but instead was a picture of Pokeball, with the background being a maroon, here we go, _bloodish_ color. It's and Pokémon Channel all over again!

Oh yeah, and there was a picture of a sad Pikachu on the Pokeball. This is just proving my earlier theory. This is Pokémon Channel all over again.

* * *

_I moved my mouse around and saw that I could click the pokeball button, but when I did Pikachu let out a high pitched scream. I gasped at this. Clicking again, he kept making the scream, but it was let out at a slower- lower pitch. I hated doing this to my second favorite Pokémon, (Gallade is my favorite) but curiosity drove me on._

* * *

Okay, what's with the random "Gallade is my favorite" thing? First of all, no one cares, and second of all, you just completely took away any sort of scary aspect you were going for there! You. Are. An. Idiot.

So Mr. Author keeps making Pikachu scream, until an eBay link comes up. The author, being the genius that he is, decides to click the link.

* * *

_I was brought to the website, but again, something was off. The "eBay" logo was replaced by "SDdjz!" (Caps were just like that) and the white background was black._

* * *

YouTube Channel 666 anyone?

* * *

_The picture was that of a DS Cartridge, it had a professionally made Pokémon! Logo, it read "Pokémon White" with exactly the same look. The timer said there were 2:32 seconds left on the clock, so I quickly purchased it at a low $4.00._

* * *

So you purchased something off a website that obviously wasn't eBay? Wouldn't that also mean you gave them your PayPal account number too? I don't know, I never use computers for stuff like that.

* * *

_Over the next three weeks, life went by normally. I cleaned the gutters, mowed the lawn, vacuumed the house,_

* * *

(Kyurem looks very, very bored.) Oh my gosh, it's like the author of Pokémon Channel thought he could get lucky again and made a second story!

* * *

_But exactly 22 days later there was a knock on the door._

* * *

So if it was exact, 22 days after the moment you hit that "buy" button, there was a knock on the door? My gosh, you're more specific than Tom from !

So the author opens the door to find no one there. He thinks he was just pranked, but he finds a strange box on the ground.

* * *

_It was from UPS, and had a label crudely slapped on it with blue letters that read "PKEMON" (Again, that's the way it was spelled.)_

* * *

Well, that explains the title. Maybe you do earn some credibility.

* * *

_Surprised that the package came at all, I took it inside and opened it._

* * *

Oh, so you thought it wasn't going to come? You knew the consequences of buying something off a strange website, yet you did it anyway?! That's it! You lost the credibility!

Ugh, this story is giving me a headache, and we still aren't even a quarter of the way through!

So the author finds that the game is brand new, with nothing wrong with the label or anything.

* * *

_Being a fan of Creepypastas, the only reason I DID order this was to see what someone could've done._

* * *

A lot of people who like Creepypastas have tried to find a hacked game, but none of them got a random link from a Minecraft player, went to the link, and bought a game off of a random website! That's just plain idiocy. I know it, you know it, and the Gengar creeping up behind you knows it!

* * *

_Over the next few days, I set aside 2–3 hours a day (Sometimes more at nighttime) and quickly conquered the game with my amazing new team. Zekrom level 72, Samurott level 60, Raichu (Traded) level 90. (My most used Pokémon) Victini level 56. And a Chandelure level 87._

* * *

No one cares! I mean, it just looks like you went through the entire game with a Raichu! I don't see why people find going through a game with one over-leveled Pokémon fun!

So our author finally gets bored with the game, and puts it in a box.

* * *

_A month later, with spare time on my hands, I cleaned out my Nostalgia Chamber. (You can figure out why I call it that) and the first box I came upon was my GameCube games. (For those who read my other story- Kirby's Air Ride, Lost Star. It's gone now. I'm putting the story up shortly)_

* * *

Woah, woah woah! So you're telling us you've already MADE a Creepypasta?! Why in the world are you doing that?! You're telling us that you haven't played two cursed games, but THREE?! That's impossible! The chances of that are way too high! I will get Mewtwo to calculate the odds of playing three cursed games.

So our author finds the game, and starts to play it. He tries to go to the Liberty Pier, but the woman says that there are too many passengers. The boat then leaves without him.

After the author throws a swearing tantrum like a ten year old playing Call of Duty, he accidentally starts surfing where the boat used to be.

* * *

_The normal animation played, but I had no control over the Pokémon. It was like I was being driven by the currents, but I couldn't see them. I watched me surf for about five minutes,_

* * *

Again, this guy must be constantly checking a watch to know that.

Anyway, he finally has control of his character, but when he tries to go back,

* * *

_But as I went back, there was a line of those little boulder things that block your ******* path all the time._

* * *

Seriously, only a ten year old would throw a tantrum because there was a boulder in the way of a Pokémon game.

* * *

_After about another five minutes of surfing forward, the sprite stopped, and waited there for a few seconds. I heard the rumbling noise (Usually used during some kind of Team "Insert gay team name here" attacks or something.)_

* * *

Wow, you are the biggest jerk I have ever met! Calling someone or something that as an insult isn't funny. It's just plain rude and mean. No one's laughing.

So anyway, the game put on another cutscene or whatever, and the author is met with this sight.

* * *

_It showed the back of the sprite's head, and it floated up (Not me, the camera) revealing a large island emerging from the water. It was made with that dark red ash-ish colored rock (You know what I'm talking about)_

* * *

*cough* lazy *cough*

* * *

_with a volcano at the top. There were doors on the island, and the cutscene showed people walking out of the doors with a slight waving animation, as if saying "Hi!" before the cutscene finished._

* * *

Because when I think of Creepypastas, I think of NPC people giving me a friendly hello!

So the author goes to the mysterious island, and is greeted by the mysterious, the terrifying… (Kyurem pauses for dramatic effect)

DOCTOR DAVE!

* * *

_Doctor Dave: Hello! Welcome to the Violet Islands, visitor! Not many people find us here. _

_(Click A Button) _

_We'll gladly welcome you into our home! Enjoy your stay here; I'll heal your Pokémon._

* * *

Patrick: Well that was a rip-off.

So instead of acting like a smart person and looking this up on the internet, the author concludes that this must be an Easter Egg put in by Nintendo. Wait, wouldn't that be Game Freak?

So the author is walking around the island doing nothing, when we get a surprise and completely pointless appearance of…

* * *

_Gary (Or Blue, I guess) ran out from the left side of the screen and bumped into me, giving a loud "Dud" noise and bumping us apart._

* * *

…Okay, that came out of nowhere.

* * *

_Blue: Hey! You're not the only person here on the Violet Islands! Watch your step; I'll beat you in a heartbeat! _

_There was a battle intro sequence, and it showed me starting a battle with Blue._

* * *

And so we're introduced to a super long battle against Blue. Sometimes battles are cool to read, but this one is so completely one-sided, that it's very, very boring. I mean, Blue has level 100 Pokémon, and our author is so much of a Gary-Stu, he only loses one Pokémon! Not to mention the fact that he has a Chandelure that knows Faint Attack! So he's a hacker too!

So after Mr. Gary-Stu beats the ultimate "Gary"-Stu himself, Blue breaks down in tears, and we just went from sub-par Creepypasta world, to absolute crap.

* * *

_Doctor Dave slid on the screen; he had spiky blue hair and wore a light blue lab-coat. _

_Doctor Dave: Those who lose aren't worthy of Pokémon. _

"_Doctor Dave shot Blue!" _

_This text shocked me. I didn't even press A for a few minutes. Finally, I hit the button and an animation played. _

_Blue: No, please! I'M SORRY, JUST LET ME GO FR- _

_*BANG*_

* * *

(Kyurem has an exasperated expression on)

I think you guys know the routine. I think I'm going to rest up before we continue on with this cliché mess of a Creepypasta.

**We'll be right back!**

* * *

**Credits**

**Creepypasta wiki**

**Zorua Reviews by Matthias123**

**Keldeo the Critic by Matthias123**

**Minecraft**

**eBay**

** Minecraft server**

**Yuriofwind on Youtube**

**BEN Drowned Creepypasta**

**SpongeBob SquarePants**

**Youtube Channel 666 Creepypasta**

**Pokémon Channel Creepypasta**

**PayPal**

** Creepypasta**

**Looney Toons**

**RabbidLuigi and Animalguy001's Top Ten Legend of Zelda Games**

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses. Creepypasta-related reviews can also be associated with "Creepypasta Story Time" By Yuriofwind on Youtube.


	10. PKEMON Violet Islands part 2

**Kyurem the Critic – The Violet Islands part 2**

**(Pokémon Creepypasta)**

(Kyurem is looking slightly bored as he sits in his chair)

Okay, I'm pretty sick of this Creepypasta already, so let's just get this all over with.

So Blue was shot in the head, and Doctor Dave reveals that,

* * *

_Doctor Dave: On the Violet Islands, if you lose a battle. You lose your life. We only allow the strongest people here at all times._

* * *

Why? Just why? Why would you only let the strongest people on the island? Wouldn't that be bad for advertisements?

_**Come on down to the Violet Islands where if you're sub-par, you're not worthy of life!**_

Why doesn't everyone on the island just leave, if there's a constant fear of death?

So our author talks to the various people on the island, even though common sense suggests that this isn't an Easter Egg from Nintendo. Especially if you got the game off a random website you found while on a sub-par Minecraft server.

The people on the island all seem happy to be here for some reason, except for one little girl with a teddy bear.

I talked to her and Dialogue started.

* * *

_?: They kill people every day… Inhumanely… I am Senc, if you want to know. I've lived here since I was born. Seeing at least five people shot a day, most people visitors… _

_Senc: Please help me..._

* * *

Now we get a description of the girl. Pity drum roll, please!

(A Cryogonal comes out, rapidly tapping on a snare drum)

* * *

_I looked at the poor girl's sprite, what made it worse was lots of bloodied marks on her face and arms. Obviously showing that she had been abused, perhaps for being a weak trainer. Her eyes were slightly glazed over, with a lavender like irises. Her head was slightly tilted to the left. And her mouth was cracked open in a sad frown._

* * *

Okay, besides the obvious pity the author is trying to make you have, how can you see all that detail? It's not like you're in a battle or something.

Or maybe you are! Maybe you're in the middle of defeating this girl so she dies! That definitely wouldn't be above your character!

* * *

_I turned my sprite around and walked towards the door, right before walking through it Senc ran up to me_

Senc: NO!

_Senc's sprite hurtled towards me, probably wanting to go with me, and the game emitted a loud *BANG* sound again,_

* * *

(A large group of Cryogonal are flying around, all of them beating on different kinds of drums)

This has absolutely no relevance to the plot other than to drum up pity. It's even worse than Pokémon Channel, and half the story was just to drum up pity!

* * *

_but this time it was a bald-headed man (You know that sprite) behind her._

* * *

Most people wouldn't, but I would guess a roughneck. Also, you seem awfully calm for someone who just saw two people die in the game, one of them being a main character.

Senc fell to the ground, a pool of blood around her body. I nearly screamed "NO!" at the game for the poor little girl. The man walked up to me, dialogue.

* * *

_?: Hi! I'm Duke. Sorry about my daughter, she was sentenced to execution though, no biggy!_

* * *

(Kyurem has nothing to say, just putting his head in hands and groaning)

* * *

_He turned around and walked to the table. Disturbed by this_

* * *

But you're not disturbed enough to, I don't know, turn the game off and maybe throw it away?

So the heartless author goes to the Gym, where he meets Gym Leader Thea.

Now, why would someone want to be a Gym Leader on this island? Gym Leaders take their job knowing that they will have to lose at some point.

So the author battles the gym leader, who has the exact same team as Blue, but in reverse. The author is _clearly_ not getting lazy.

…I need one of those sarcasm notifying things…

So he beats the Gym Trainers, then he beats the leader, yadda yadda yadda, and then this scene happens.

* * *

_I walked off the elevator a "CRSHHH" noise came out of my speakers, as Thea came crashing onto the floor from where I had just been, on the elevator. It was her overworld sprite, crudely covered in red pixels, and a few white ones, representing bone. By now, I had taken my time to walk to the bathroom calmly, and puke for about ten minutes._

* * *

I'm pretty sure it would be impossible to puke for ten minutes straight. You wouldn't have any food left in your stomach at the five minute mark.

Oh, and then the author _eats_ something. What?!

I've been sick before! You do NOT feel like eating after puking! Especially after ten minutes of puking!

Oh, apparently the author "can't do anything on an empty stomach."

WHAT?!

* * *

_Doctor Dave: We're sorry about your abilities, but we can't have you roaming around our island. You're a great trainer! But you'll run us extinct on this island!_

* * *

Wait, what?

* * *

_Doctor Dave: You will be put down in history, young one. Keep playing in the afterlife!_

* * *

Really?

* * *

_The bang noise played once again, but so loud it crashed my speakers._

* * *

THAT'S IT?!

You're ending it here?! That is one of the dumbest things ever!

First of all, your character beat the ultimate Pokémon Gary-Stu with an illegal Chandelure! You mean you won't magically stop the bullet, somehow save Senc from the dead, and destroy the Violet Islands? That's what I was thinking you would do.

Second, the story just abruptly ends, it's like the author said "Gee, it's almost my bed time. Better just send it like it is, with barely any conclusion."

This guy is like the writer of "Ghost of Team Rocket" and "Pokémon Channel" combined! Two wrongs make a wrong!

So the author gets an eyeful of some graphic picture.

* * *

_It showed a sprite of my character, hung by a noose with a bullet hole in his head. His stomach had been gashed through, and his organs hanging out. Blue was next to him, the same damage done. Both teams of Pokémon had been sliced through the stomach, and hung by the respective player, blood covered the floor, along with all the bodies of people who fell to the fate of the Violet Islands. I cried when I saw Senc in the front middle of the floor-_

* * *

(Kyurem smashes a base drum so hard, the mallet goes through the drum)

We get it! You need people to pity you!

Oh, and you know what gets me the most? The author actually tries to put a moral in the end of the story!

* * *

_I think this game signified the problem of not fitting in, not being good enough for everyone else. It showed that someone who didn't fit the standards of the common civilization in which they lived in would be shoved out, as an outcast. And if you tried to hard you would also be excluded. _

_Don't fall to the fate of the Violet Islands._

* * *

Ugh, I guess that makes a little sense, but the fact that you tried to add a moral to an advertisement-filled, pity craving story like this!

And that sums up my final thoughts! It's an advertisement-filled, pity-craving wreck of a story! Nothing is redeemable! Some may think the moral is sweet, but I could find the same moral in a children's book.

(Kyurem sighs) Ugh, these bad Creepypastas are giving me a headache. I need an aspirin, and you can get out of my castle.

**Credits**

**Pokémon Channel Creepypasta**

**Ghost of Team Rocket Fanfiction**

* * *

Mr. Grool here! Man, this story was just really bad. Not as bad as Pokémon Channel, but pretty bad. Sorry if Kyurem sounded extra angry in this one. Expect something better next review!

Oh, also credit goes to Nuzlocke Comics and Keldeo's Tear of Courage for inspiration and jokes on the Death Battle chapter.

* * *

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses. Creepypasta-related reviews can also be associated with "Creepypasta Story Time" By Yuriofwind on YouTube.


	11. Glitchlett

**Kyurem the Critic – Glitchlett**

**(Pokémon Creepypasta)**

Hello and welcome back to Kyurem the Critic where today, I'm going to review something slightly better than the crap I usually review!

(Gasping is heard offstage. Kyurem quickly quiets it with an Ice Beam)

As I was saying, today I will be reviewing a creepypasta that isn't complete garbage. Now I was _going_ to get Cryogonal the Critic to review a Nuzlocke Romance story, but I ditched the idea for a couple reasons.

I'm not sure if it should be reviewed by Mewtwo or not.

I HATE romance

I had my first reasonable request!

I will be giving more information on the requests at the end of the review. So with that out of the way, let's get on with this… interesting Creepypasta.

* * *

_Do you remember when you first discovered glitches in Pokémon?_

* * *

Ah yes, the time when Missingno. was still missing. Back when people actually believed rumors that it would destroy your game.

* * *

_I remember when I did. Summer, 1999, at Kingswood Summer Club. Pokémon Red and Blue had been released the previous year, which I guess would make me eight or nine. The Pokémon craze was in full swing over here in the UK - every day I packed up my Pikachu-yellow Gameboy Colour, Pokémon Red permanently slotted into the top. My friends and I would gather together with our Link Cables for epic trading and battling sessions that lasted the whole day, or just until parents came to pick us up at home time._

* * *

That's a pretty dumb summer camp, if they just let you play Pokémon all day. And people wonder why weight is such a problem in America.

* * *

_Around mid-summer, our "group" was starting to feel like we'd seen it all and done it all. Sure, I don't think we'd ever caught 'em all - back then it seemed like impossibility_

* * *

Are you kidding?That was the time you actually COULD catch them all!

So the children of the '90s became bored with their Pokémon games, but a month before the end of summer, they saw the cliché Creepypasta master himself, Missingno.

Like I said before, this was back when Missingno. was still missing, so our '90s kids were fascinated by him.

* * *

_Within the next few days, our little group was hooked on glitches. We scoured magazines for the latest bugs and tricks - we visited Glitch City, battled all kinds of high level Pokémon off the coast of Cinnabar - we even caught Mew._

* * *

Yeah, yeah we get it. You don't need to emphasize it so much.

However, there was one glitch…

* * *

_But there was one glitch which I've never been able to find record of since. Funnily enough, I can't remember the details of how to pull it off, but I remember the outcome - Glitchlett._

* * *

Of COURSE you don't remember how to pull it off!

(A Cryogonal flies in, shakily holding a piece of paper)

S-sarcasm self t-test- (He is cut off by Kyurem)

YOU SAID IT WRONG!

Sigh, anyway, Glitchlett is exactly what the name implies; A Glitched Diglett. At least the name sounds better than ArtZapMolTwo or whatever that random PokeGod was.

* * *

_The sprite was mostly intact, but the face was distorted, Missingno.-style. There were a few distorted lines through it, like scan lines, and the cry was a little weird too, although I can't put my finger on what it was._

* * *

Wow, the author is actually doing a good job of explaining things to us. Well, fairly decent. Even though he's giving a good description, it's pretty obvious that this is a fake story. There's too many plot holes, and they get only bigger as the story moves along.

So after catching the PokeGod, the '90s kids decide to find out what it can do.

* * *

_Experiences with Glitchlett were varied - one guy claimed it messed up his game so bad he couldn't play anymore and had had to reset. Others said they tried to battle with Glitchlett, only to find the game crashed every time they tried. I had the most luck in battles with the new glitch Pokémon. His only move was DIG, and he couldn't learn any HMs or TMs, even those you'd expect a Diglett to be able to learn. Against Wild Pokémon, Glitchlett was a powerhouse - he never lost PP, and together we'd OHKO'd every Pokémon we came across._

* * *

I'm sensing a Creepy Black rehash coming on.

* * *

_But the attack itself was...odd. It took two turns as usual, but after the first turn, he'd be hit with some kind of self-damaging recoil. There was no explanation other than "Diglett was hurt!", and that strange cry,_

* * *

(Kyurem rolls his eyes)

I'm guessing this is the part where we're supposed to start getting creeped out.

Now, so far, this story is definitely of better standards than Pokémon Dead Channel and Violet Islands, but the story really has nothing to get you hooked. By the time we get to the creepy part, we pretty much skim through it.

But anyway, let us continue on. Our unnamed main character decides to cheat the system with Glitchlett and level up random teams with it. Wait, didn't you beat the Elite Four all ready? Why are you training teams?

* * *

_I remember when things got even stranger. I was leveling a team using the Exp. All - destroying wild Pokémon with Glitchlett seemed the obvious choice and I'd maxed many Pokémon this way in the past. I'd woken up early that morning to level especially, and had spent all day KOing wild Pokémon._

* * *

Remember the fact that he's been leveling up Pokémon the whole day.

* * *

_At that moment I was under my bed covers with my trusty Gameboy Colour light - Mum would go mad if she knew I wasn't asleep at this time. Everything was going according to plan and my new team was leveling up beautifully. I must have been concentrating pretty hard, because it was too late when I noticed how low Glitchlett's health had become._

* * *

Foreshadowing! (Scare chords play from off screen)

* * *

_I selected DIG for the final time and watched him begin to descend into the ground… as expected; I received the message "Diglett was hurt!" I heard that piercing cry, louder than before, and my stomach turned as I watched his health bar slide towards zero. The bar doubled back on itself, and seemed to empty four or five times before Glitchlett repeated his dying cry - now a horrible noise._

* * *

Well, at least he knows his Pokémon glitches. When Pokémon are glitched in battle, their health bar usually goes down multiple times. Perhaps this story won't be so-

* * *

"_Diglett was killed! Do you want to use the next Pokémon?"_

* * *

(Kyurem stops mid-sentence, his mouth still hanging open. He slowly closes it as frost begins to pour from his body)

You… Didn't…

(Kyurem stands up, seething with rage)

I… Trusted you… RAAAGGHHH!

(Kyurem rages, firing Ice Beams in random directions as several Cryogonal try to calm him down)

* * *

_**Intermission**_

(Monty Python and the Holy Grail intermission music plays)

…

…

_**We now return to Kyurem the Critic**_

* * *

(Kyurem is looking livid, with half the room destroyed. Again.)

You've all seen me rage before, but this one hit me a little more personally, since the story sounded half decent before.

* * *

_I know it's cliché in these kinds of stories,_

* * *

No kidding.

* * *

_but I remembered that vividly. I selected "NO" - my other team members wouldn't have made a mark on this enemy Pokémon anyway. I was warped to the over world and found myself back in the Unknown Dungeon. Opening my Pokémon menu confirmed what I'd seen before - my beloved Glitchlett at the top of the party, health reduced to zero._

* * *

Beloved? Oh, please.

Remember how I said he was "raising Pokémon the whole day?" Well why would his Pokémon not be able to make a mark on him if they've been leveling up all day. I guess he must've switched Pokémon, but it's never mentioned in the story.

So the author finds out that Dig is selectable outside of battle, which he should've noticed before since he has beaten the Elite Four multiple times. But then our author realizes something.

* * *

_Glitchlett had never been damaged by any Wild Pokémon, only by this move. It wasn't even as though he's hurt himself in confusion or with recoil… whatever had hurt and ultimately "killed" him had been underground all along - waiting - sapping Glitchlett's life each time I sent him to attack._

* * *

That… Oddly makes sense.

So the author debates whether to use Dig or not, but ultimately decides to because…

His Pokémon were too weak to get out? (Kyurem roars before glaring)

That doesn't make sense!

If your Pokémon fainted, then you would just go to a Pokémon Center! The creature underground wouldn't attack you, since it always stays underground! So apparently, this guy cares more about experience than "his beloved Glitchlett!"

Sigh… So anyway, Glitchlett uses Dig, and he appears in Diglett's Cave. Figures.

* * *

_I checked my Pokémon, and saw Glitchlett's health had been restored. He was now my only Pokémon, the other 5 members of my team missing entirely. I chose DIG again. Oak scolded me - apparently this wasn't the time to use that. With no means of escape, I set off looking for the exit. My sprite moved slowly - more of a crawl than a walk; as I moved, the cave's walls bugged out, turning red,_

* * *

Blood…

* * *

_flexing and swelling in and out like the lungs of a monster._

* * *

And now we come to one of the more famous parts of the story. The scary, the horrifying…

(Kyurem puts on headphones)

Music!

* * *

_Slowly, music began to play - high-pitched, distorted and horrible; it was quiet at first but grew louder with every step. As it played, something became familiar - a familiar tune beneath the whirring, bugged notes. Without thinking I began to mouth the words to the music. "Diglett-dig, Diglett-dig, Trio Trio Trio… Diglett-dig, Diglett-dig, Trio Trio Trio…"_

* * *

(A conga line of Cryogonal floats by Kyurem, dancing to the beat of the music)

As you can see, this is _very_ scary stuff.

But then… A wild Pokémon appears! (Scare chords play)

…Wait, that's not scary. That's just normal.

* * *

"_A Wild Dugtrio Appeared!" As distorted battle music began, the level 225 Dugtrio appeared before my eyes. The cry was an awful, warped scream that seemed to become a gnashing crunch before stopping entirely._

* * *

Uh…

* * *

_Dugtrio's sprite, like Glitchlett, was deformed - Dugtrio's three faces with hollow eyes, twisted into pixelated howls that looked somehow painful. The bottom of the sprite was unrecognizable - it looked as though six deformed, clawed arms were rising from the dirt around Dugtrio's body._

* * *

…Perhaps I've judged this a little too quickly?

So Glitchlett gets sent out, and the game goes into automatic mode.

* * *

_I was just a bystander now as the game took control - selecting an attack from the menu. Of course, DIG was the only option. My hands were sweaty as I gripped the Gameboy tight - my breath was hot on the screen. Dugtrio went first. _

"_Dugtrio used Scratch!" _

_It hit six times, each tear triggering the pitiful cry from my glitch Pokémon. Glitchlett was left with a sliver of health as he retaliated with an attack of his own._

* * *

Oh my. I'm actually starting to feel bad for Glitchlett now. I mean, what's the motivation for this Dugtrio to kill the Glitchlett? They're the same species!

Well, one thing's for certain. If those claws are actually what a Dugtrio has, then I do NOT want to see what the rest of its body looks like. Only Arceus knows that. Apparently, he doesn't like to talk about it.

So anyway, Glitchlett uses Struggle and then… this happens.

* * *

_As previous, the game selected the next move. As ATTACK was chosen, I noticed that Glitchlett suddenly had no moves. Two words appeared where the first two attacks should have been. _

_NO HOPE._

* * *

Whoa, whoa whoa. Wait one second.

Now, up to this point, the author has done a pretty good job of not letting us know this is fake. Well, every Creepypasta is fake, but if you are a new Creepypasta reader, you might not know that. But this?

(Kyurem looks angry again, as cold mist begins to form around him.)

This just ruins it! If you had just made the same story, without that "No Hope" part, then this might be able to pass off as real! But no, you had to add this in! For what? Is it supposed to make us depressed? It just shows us that this whole thing is fake! How can a glitch actually make two moves No and Hope?

(Kyurem sighs, and sits down.) This pasta is going to give me a migraine.

So the Dugtrio kills Glitchlett (again) with another volley of scratches, and the author is shown the overworld again.

* * *

_Back on the over world, the walls swelled and glitched before my eyes and the maddening music began again._

* * *

Now it just sounds like the author is going Lavender Town Syndrome or Polybius on us.

* * *

_I inspected Glitchlett. His sprite had changed now, although his face was never visible like Dugtrio's, it seemed to be formed into a pixelated scream. Dark brown streaks cut through the sprite - they looked like claw marks, or blood._

* * *

Blood. I rest my case.

* * *

_I pressed on. I don't know what I was thinking at that stage - just that this tiny Pokémon had infected my game in a much bigger way than expected. Glitch Pokémon seemed kind of wrong to me then, as though it was something I ought not to have been messing with - something we didn't understand or couldn't control._

* * *

HOLD IT!

STOP THE PRESSES!

Is the author going (Kyurem gives an exasperated laugh) _Aesop_ on us now? This is worse than the Violet Islands! At least their moral made sense! Now you're telling us that even though you called yourself a "glitch master" and were _so _into glitches, that it always felt WRONG to you?! If this isn't a Mary Sue, I don't know what is!

Ugh, so Mary here continues on through the overworld, despite the fact that he didn't have any Pokémon when…

* * *

"_A Wild Dugtrio Appeared!" This Pokémon sprite was different to the last - almost completely disfigured. The cry seemed as though it wouldn't end, screaming and wailing as a pixelated monster appeared on screen. Through the glitches and cut pixels I could make out the hollow sockets of eight eyes, eight terrible clawed hands and a gaping mouth._

* * *

This is a little creepy, but I can't help but get a sense of "been there done that."

Well, let's just get to the climax.

* * *

_With no Pokémon left, my trainer's back sprite faced the glitch head-on._

* * *

(Kyurem can't help but show a little excitement)

And? What happened?

* * *

_Before my eyes, the screen faded as my Gameboy's batteries cut out._

* * *

(Kyurem and a few Cryogonal are all staring, open mouthed.)

You… You… RRRAAARRRGGGHH!

(Kyurem slashes the creepypasta with a Shadow Claw, leaving it in three pieces)

How could you take your time to build that up, and leave us like that?! That's just wrong! It's not creepy! It's disappointing!

Now, this isn't the end of the story. There are still a couple paragraphs left. Most of it just wraps up the story. The kid basically takes the game out, never plays it again, and tries to pass it off as a hallucination, which is dumb of him.

Now… What are my final thoughts?

I didn't mind it.

_**SAY WHAT?!**_

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. After all that ranting and destruction, I give it a neutral review? Well, I did.

The story is actually very detailed and tells itself well. There are actually some parts that are pretty creepy. However, a lot of this is lost in the second half. In the second half, the author acts like a Mary Sue, the pasta makes itself look fake, and the ending is just anticlimactic.

Now, would I recommend this story? Well, if you are scared easily or are just starting to read Creepypastas, then I would recommend this story to sort of ease you into Creepypasta. If you're a more seasoned reader, then I would say that this story might be a little boring to you.

Well, this has been Kyurem the Critic! Thanks for reading!

**Kyurem the Critic**

**Credits**

**Nuzlocke Comics**

**A Petty Nuzlocke Challenge by Pettyartist**

**OC-Free Dinosaur on Fanfiction**

**Pokémon Creepy Black version**

**Polybius Creepypasta**

**Lavender Town Syndrome Creepypasta**

**Phoenix Wright game series by Capcom**

_(Mr. Grool here! Now, I do like this story. When I first read it, I thought it was legitimately creepy, but reading it again, I've found a few things wrong with it. Overall, this story is one of the better Pokémon Creepypastas, but definitely far from the best. Now, about requesting stories, I have a few rules set in place.)_

* * *

1. You are allowed to sending Creepypastas or Fanfictions. They may or may not be accepted. Any story that has or should have an M rating will not be reviewed.

2. Keep fanfictions short. No 30 chapter fanfictions

3. Certain main genres such as romance will most likely not be reviewed (Romance as a secondary genre is okay)

4. Send requests via PM

* * *

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses. Creepypasta-related reviews can also be associated with "Creepypasta Story Time" By Yuriofwind on YouTube.


	12. Death Battle! Missingno VS Glitchlett!

_(This battle is rated E-10)_

_**Death Battle!**_

* * *

(Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critic are standing in the announcer's box, both of them wearing headsets.)

"Welcome back to death battle!" Kyurem said, giving a smirk. "The show where we have characters beat each other up for our amusement!"

"We've got a real treat for you today!" Cryogonal nodded. "In honor of our latest Creepypasta reviewed, and in honor of Matthias deciding to continue Keldeo the Critic, we've decided to pit two famous glitch Pokémon against each other!"

"Now, these two have already had a rap battle, but how will they fare in an actual battle? This is…"

**Death Battle!**

**Missingno.**

**VS**

**Glitchlett!**

* * *

**Meet Missingno!**

(The screen shows encounters of Missingno. From Red and Blue as Kyurem and Cryogonal talk in the background)

The most famous Glitch Pokémon out there, The L-shaped Demon is a glitch due to a series of computer faults that are too complicated for most people to understand.

His stats are actually pretty bad, with absolutely no defense and barely any HP. However, Missingno's attack is one of the highest of the Red and Blue games, not to mention Missingno's unusual ability to glitch out anything it touches.

However, will it be enough to take on his challenger?

* * *

**Meet Glitchlett!**

(The screen shows different art of Glitchlett as Kyurem and Cryogonal continue their monologue.)

Now, Glitchlett is a popular Creepypasta about a boy who finds out about a glitch going wrong. Glitchlett is most popular for his deformed, glitched face.

The demon has a level that's off the scales, and only knows one move; dig. The move is supposed to OHKO any Pokémon it is fighting against, but something underground causes damage to the little guy.

* * *

(We go back to Kyurem and Cryogonal, who are outside at the stadium)

"Okay!" Cryogonal cried. "Let's get this Death Battle started!"

* * *

(We cut to the stadium, where many Pokémon are cheering in the stands. Out of the left side of the field comes a deformed, L-shaped Pokémon with no visible face. Out of the right side of the field comes a small diglett with a glitched out face. It burrows to the center of the field and gets into position.)

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" Cryogonal called from a microphone. "The Death Battle between Missingno and Glitchlett shall begin… Now!"

A gong was heard, and the two Pokémon sprang into action. With a garbled cry, Missingno began firing streams of water at Glitchlett, who took them right to the face.

"And it looks like Missingno is starting off with his Water Gun attack!" Cryogonal cried. "However, Diglett doesn't seem to be taking much damage."

A screen which showed both Pokémon's HP only had Glitchlett's health deplete a fraction. Suddenly, back at the stadium, Glitchlett gave his distorted cry and began burrowing under the ground.

"And now Glitchlett is using his One-Hit-KO Dig attack!" Kyurem called. Missingno began to look nervous, or at least as nervous as a thing like Missingno would look. A burrow line ran straight towards Missingno, showing the progress of Glitchlett.

"Is this the end for Missingno?" Cryogonal asked as the burrow line was almost at the target. Just as it reached Missingno, however, an earsplitting shriek was heard as the ground started to shake.

"What is that?!" Kyurem asked, holding his ears as tight as he could. The earthquake was so strong, the ice stadium was starting to crack.

The ground burst right in front of Missingno, and out came a grotesque monster. It looked like a Dugtrio, but had six heads and giant, bloodstained claws. The thing let out another shriek before grabbing Missingno.

"And…" Cryogonal tried to make out the monster. "It looks like Diglett, uh, can't battle anymore and was replaced by…" Cryogonal turned to Kyurem.

"What is that thing again?" he asked the legendary, who shrugged in response.

Meanwhile, the monster Dugtrio held Missingno, who struggled against its grip. The monster brought back one of its claws, and slashed it across Missingno's body.

"And Dugtrio is using his Scratch attack!" Kyurem called to the audience, who was still recovering from the Dugtrio's unexpected appearance. Missingno's health bar went down a good amount.

With another shriek, the Dugtrio slashed the struggling Missingno four more times before letting go. Missingno's health bar was down to a level too small to see on the board.

* * *

"I think this is all over, folks." Kyurem called. He quickly whistled over the Cryogonal army, who flew out to subdue the Dugtrio. The Dugtrio began slashing at the Cryogonal, who were unable to hit it with their Ice Beams.

Then, the ferocious look in the Dugtrio's eyes became surprise. The thing looked down at its body to see that it was slowly turning to distorted pixels. The Dugtrio shrieked, but its body continued to become pixelated, to which the audience watched in amazement.

Cryogonal was the first to tear his eyes away from the sight, and said to the microphone, "It seems that Missingno used its power to distort its enemy!" The crowd slowly came out of their stunned silence to start cheering. The Dugtrio had become mostly jumbled pixels now. It turned around to be facing a bright light. Missingno had gotten back up, and was now shining in a harsh blue glow.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Kyurem called. "I give you… The Sky Attack!" Missingno suddenly shot forward, smashing into the pixelated monster. The Monster reeled back as Missingno passed through it. Its health bar began falling to zero several times over, before the creature started to dig back into the ground with a final shriek.

* * *

The audience was once again stunned into silence by the show that was put before them. Then, as a group, the entire stadium began cheering Missingno's name, who seemed to just float there.

_Missingno!_

_Missingno!_

"And Missingno is the winner of the Death Battle!" Kyurem cried, who was clapping himself. Cryogonal flew out to Missingno, holding a microphone.

"Mr. No," Cryogonal started. "Could you please tell us how you feel after winning the Death Battle?" he passed the microphone to Missingno, who seemed to stare down at it, before starting to talk.

"_;*&^%#*#$%^ ##$^"_

Cryogonal gave Missingno a strange look, before slowly floating away.

* * *

(We now go back to clips of Missingno, while Kyurem and Cryogonal talk in the background.)

As you can see, Missingno's handy ability came into play just when he needed it, enabling him to win this surprising Death Battle.

(Back to Kyurem and Cryogonal at their announcer's box)

"Well, we hoped you enjoyed this battle of the glitches!" Cryogonal said, smiling.

"Tune in next time for Kyurem the Critic's Halloween Special!" Kyurem said as the camera faded out.

_**Death Battle!**_

* * *

Credits:

Glitchlett Creepypasta on Creepypasta wiki

Bulbapedia

Missingno. From Pokémon.

* * *

_**(Notice: No Pokémon were killed during the making of Death Battle.)**_

…

_**(Well, maybe one…)**_


End file.
